Over the last several weeks, unelected federal judges have struck repeated blows against the Trump administration with rulings designed to stop his agenda.
( Published Tuesday, October 14th, 2025 @ 8:46 pm )]]> The geopolitical balance of power appeared to experience a significant shift this week, as President Donald Trump announced that he had gerrymandered the United States of America to now include Canada.
( Published Monday, October 13th, 2025 @ 3:16 pm )]]> As part of an initiative to obtain a more accurate count of the nation's population, President Donald Trump ordered U.S. census takers not to count anyone wearing a sombrero.
( Published Friday, September 5th, 2025 @ 2:28 pm )]]> The Babylon Bee would like to kindly remind the nation that photoshopping other words or images onto Democrats' little signs is super offensive.
( Published Tuesday, September 2nd, 2025 @ 5:26 pm )]]> With rumors circulating about former President Joe Biden expressing a desire to return to politics, the editorial board of The Babylon Bee would like to offer our enthusiastic and heartfelt support for this thrilling possibility.
( Published Tuesday, July 29th, 2025 @ 12:37 pm )]]> Actor and comedian Bill Burr broke down during a television appearance on ABC Thursday when his body went through some unexpected changes, as his cycle apparently synced up with the hosts of The View.
( Published Sunday, July 27th, 2025 @ 9:49 am )]]> WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former President Joe Biden announced his intention to return to the world of politics with a bid for President of Shady Oaks retirement home.
( Published Friday, July 25th, 2025 @ 10:54 am )]]> Proponents of eliminating the federal income tax rejoiced today as Elon Musk cleverly disguised the Internal Revenue Service headquarters as a Tesla dealership so Democrats would burn it down.
( Published Tuesday, July 22nd, 2025 @ 8:41 pm )]]> After watching its latest feature Snow White suffer a disastrous opening weekend at the box office, executives at Disney have decided to quietly cancel the studio's live-action version of Pocahontas starring Dylan Mulvaney.
( Published Saturday, July 19th, 2025 @ 10:17 am )]]> U.S. -- Despite record-low polling numbers among American voters, Democratic Party leaders were confident they could turn things around and estimated they were only one more arson away from being popular again.
( Published Sunday, July 6th, 2025 @ 9:06 am )]]> U.S. -- A dorky journalist experienced the thrill of a lifetime this past week, having finally been included for the first time ever in a group text.
( Published Tuesday, July 1st, 2025 @ 9:51 pm )]]> With lawmakers calling for Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth to resign over leaked Yemen attack plans, Hegseth expressed deep regret for not instead getting soldiers killed in a chaotic withdrawal and handing $80 billion of weaponry to terrorists.
( Published Tuesday, July 1st, 2025 @ 5:48 pm )]]> In a beautiful, heartwarming call for universal peace, liberals took several stolen, burning Teslas and arranged them to spell out "Coexist."
( Published Saturday, June 28th, 2025 @ 8:45 pm )]]> The quest to survive until Monday morning commenced Friday afternoon, as a local husband and father who works two jobs during the week began mentally preparing himself for a chaotic and stressful weekend with his wife and children.
( Published Sunday, March 23rd, 2025 @ 12:07 pm )]]> Announcing that it has now given up entirely, the Democratic National Committee selected David Hogg as its new Vice Chair.
( Published Wednesday, February 19th, 2025 @ 8:35 am )]]> As proof he was willing to back up his strong words in support of DEI practices in business, Dallas Mavericks minority owner Mark Cuban announced the team had signed actor Peter Dinklage as its new power forward.
( Published Friday, February 14th, 2025 @ 12:11 am )]]> Pope Francis issued an official statement today demanding that God remove the walls and gates that surround the Kingdom of Heaven.
( Published Wednesday, February 12th, 2025 @ 7:02 pm )]]> After news broke that President-elect Donald Trump had successfully brokered a ceasefire agreement between Israel and Hamas, outgoing President Joe Biden spoke with the media to take credit for developing dementia so Kamala Harris would take his place on the ticket
( Published Wednesday, January 22nd, 2025 @ 3:05 am )]]> Sources from Capitol Hill report that Democrats in Congress fled en masse at the sight of a Jew standing up to talk.
( Published Friday, August 23rd, 2024 @ 10:13 am )]]> The mood on Capitol Hill was somber today, as congressional leaders joined Democrats across the nation in ordering flags to be flown at half-staff as former President Donald Trump was tragically not killed in an assassination attempt over the weekend.
( Published Monday, August 19th, 2024 @ 10:35 am )]]> Former President has been indicted by a federal judge in Pennsylvania for inciting an assassination attempt that nearly killed him.
( Published Wednesday, August 14th, 2024 @ 1:36 am )]]> With school choice being such a hot topic these days, it can be helpful for parents to learn more about what the experiences are like in different learning environments. Though there may be pros and cons to each option, the differences may surprise you.
( Published Wednesday, August 7th, 2024 @ 3:01 pm )]]> Local owner of The Krusty Krab Eugene Krabs is in hot water after newly unsealed documents revealed he visited Weenie Hut Jr's over 50 times over the last 10 years.
( Published Wednesday, August 7th, 2024 @ 6:52 am )]]> President Biden carved a few minutes out of his completely wide-open schedule Wednesday to address the nation about his decision to step away from the presidential race, citing his desire to spend more time at home sniffing friends and family.
( Published Wednesday, August 7th, 2024 @ 2:38 am )]]> Lifelong Pearl Jam fan Dirk Ledbetter announced a huge personal achievement this weekend on a grunge music forum, claiming he was close to figuring out three of Pearl Jam's lyrics.
( Published Tuesday, August 6th, 2024 @ 10:57 pm )]]>