Scott Lassiter, an assistant principal at Connections Academy Middle School and member of the Wake County Soil and Water Conservation District Board of Supervisors, filed a lawsuit against N.C. House Speaker Tim Moore, R-Cleveland, accusing Moore of helping to break up Lassiter’s marriage.
Published: Friday, August 11th, 2023 @ 12:33 pm
By: Carolina Journal
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A local woman has assured her husband she'll definitely be "in the mood" if he rubs her back for at least three hours.
Published: Tuesday, August 1st, 2023 @ 8:48 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A newly married couple had determined the Lord is directing them to wait a while to have children after they spent the past week volunteering to serve in Vacation Bible School at their church.
Published: Sunday, July 30th, 2023 @ 6:11 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A local woman shut her laptop quickly when her husband walked in the room and explained that she was only looking at Zillow to check how much their current house was worth and not to browse new homes.
Published: Thursday, July 27th, 2023 @ 1:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In the wake of the Target controversy resulting in widespread calls for boycotts among suburban housewife shoppers, husbands across the United States have begun praying faith-based home decor retail chain Hobby Lobby will make a bad public relations decision to cause a similar firestorm
Published: Saturday, June 24th, 2023 @ 1:06 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The Daily Wire’s Matt Walsh sent a message to conservatives who are calling for an end to the fight “against gender ideology and the ‘Pride’ movement,” telling them to focus on the issues they care about.
Published: Thursday, June 22nd, 2023 @ 11:38 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Local wife Jill Williams spent the better part of Tuesday having a drawn-out argument with her husband Tad that occurred entirely in her own head.
Published: Wednesday, June 21st, 2023 @ 5:02 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A foolish man offered a solution to a problem his wife was having Sunday evening in an ongoing series of unforced errors.
Published: Wednesday, June 14th, 2023 @ 8:07 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A concerned husband assured his wife on Wednesday he was only reading Song of Solomon to study profound theological doctrine, not to check out the...er... you know..."interesting" bits.
Published: Sunday, June 11th, 2023 @ 12:56 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local wife Katy Benson called her husband Graham this morning to inform him that the minivan had suffered a "rapid unscheduled disassembly."
Published: Saturday, May 20th, 2023 @ 9:07 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After years of frustration at her husband's inability to pay attention to the brief, three-hour conversations she forced him into, local wife Florence Berph implemented a brilliant new tactic to trick him into listening by starting with, "Welcome to my podcast."
Published: Sunday, April 30th, 2023 @ 10:07 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The White House will reportedly disband its COVID response team when the public health emergency ends in May, according to a report.
Published: Monday, April 10th, 2023 @ 7:58 am
By: Daily Wire
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Tensions rose between a local couple today after a woman texted her husband to ask him to pick up a mobile Target order for her on his way home from work, to which he replied "Ok." Reports indicated she was not at all happy with the tone of his "Ok" response.
Published: Sunday, April 2nd, 2023 @ 9:41 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Eight months after an Illinois woman reported her husband missing, she found him dead in their home.
Published: Thursday, March 23rd, 2023 @ 1:21 am
By: Daily Wire
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Kid Rock got everyone’s attention on Monday when he shared news on his Instagram that he will be headlining several concerts this summer as part of his “No Snowflakes Summer Concerts.”
Published: Tuesday, March 14th, 2023 @ 1:08 am
By: Daily Wire
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Despite having faithfully shepherded his congregation for twelve years, local Pastor Reagan Johnson has been removed from his post after a concerned congregant notified the elder board of his failing to have "Husband. Father. Pastor." in his bio on Twitter.
Published: Friday, February 10th, 2023 @ 11:14 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man Brad Johnson has joined Faith Covenant's worship band, giving it the token forty-something balding guy it was sorely missing.
Published: Friday, February 10th, 2023 @ 10:09 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In order to make the transition from singing to preaching more seamless, Grace Community Church has installed a trap door that the praise band will fall through as soon as they finish their worship set.
Published: Saturday, February 4th, 2023 @ 8:52 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) reportedly had priests perform an “exorcism” on her home after her husband Paul was attacked with a hammer by an alleged intruder.
Published: Sunday, January 29th, 2023 @ 1:06 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Local wife Victoria Crab phoned her husband in the early evening Thursday to see if he could run by the store real quick on his way home from work so he could grab a couple thousand items.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 9:06 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man Jeremy Clams became bedridden Tuesday after a flu virus brutally assaulted his body with a sore throat, coughing, some body aches, and even a mild fever.
Published: Wednesday, January 25th, 2023 @ 9:56 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Witnesses reported that the Gerbison household was in an unpleasant state after the dumb oaf of a husband, Gill, assumed he could use the bathroom's hand towels to dry his hands.
Published: Wednesday, January 11th, 2023 @ 12:37 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Local woman Amber Rhodes suddenly snapped out of a deep, seven-month coma today, at the exact moment her husband booted up his PlayStation.
Published: Wednesday, January 11th, 2023 @ 12:29 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Is your husband cheating on you? We here at the Babylon Bee hate marital infidelity, so we consulted marriage experts to learn all the troubling signs to look for when a man isn't being faithful.
Published: Sunday, December 25th, 2022 @ 3:20 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After years of struggling to purchase his wife the right gift for Christmas, one local man started listening in October for ideas. His attentiveness gave him the idea of buying his wife a new, rechargeable vacuum
Published: Friday, December 23rd, 2022 @ 1:27 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local husband and useless idiot Virgil Marlo met with disaster Monday after placing throw pillows on the bed in the wrong order. The clueless husband had attempted to tidy up after knocking the pillows on the floor.
Published: Wednesday, December 21st, 2022 @ 11:47 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band has always been a favorite of mine in the way that they have always moved at their own pace in their own time.
Published: Wednesday, December 21st, 2022 @ 8:02 am
By: Stan Deatherage
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A family was brought to the brink of tragedy today as a local woman began making funeral arrangements for her husband when he failed to respond to her text message within 13 seconds.
Published: Friday, December 16th, 2022 @ 12:14 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The local worship band for Redeemer Church has continued its decade-long shadow ban on bass player Kevin Young.
Published: Tuesday, December 13th, 2022 @ 1:07 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A minimum of 35 pieces of tape is needed to successfully wrap a gift, husband scientists said Monday. The surprise announcement was made by representatives of the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) just in time for the holiday season.
Published: Friday, December 9th, 2022 @ 10:22 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Local husband Terry McGerry was seen beaming with confidence as he waited in line at the department store checkout, having picked out the wrong Christmas present for his wife weeks earlier than usual.
Published: Thursday, December 8th, 2022 @ 7:49 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A local man found cause for great concern this week when he discovered Amazon was moving forward with plans to build a distribution hub located in his front yard.
Published: Thursday, November 24th, 2022 @ 9:40 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After a bruising campaign and a protracted process of tabulating results, local man Mike Vaughan's wife has gained control of the house in a slim but decisive majority of 1 vote per wife and 1 vote per husband.
Published: Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022 @ 9:08 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Multiple sources have confirmed that local man Dan Zilph's Instagram account exists solely to wish his wife "happy birthday" every year.
Published: Thursday, November 17th, 2022 @ 3:04 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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