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In a move celebrated by casual viewers but criticized by longtime fans of C.S. Lewis's children's book series The Chronicles Of Narnia, Netflix has released marketing materials confirming that The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe will feature the first-ever black White Witch.
Published: Sunday, January 29th, 2023 @ 8:09 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee netflix narnia witch black |
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The city of Atlanta is entering its second week of violent, fiery riots that have been organized and executed by just an idea.
Published: Saturday, January 28th, 2023 @ 10:37 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee atlanta idea riot |
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Jewish drag queen and 9/11 survivor Congressman George Santos is celebrating this week, having landed a lucrative endorsement deal with Whoppers Original Malted Milk Balls.
Published: Saturday, January 28th, 2023 @ 10:22 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee george santos endorsement whoppers |
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Local man Gary Marmon climbed to the top of The Forbes 400 after it was revealed he possessed both Taylor Swift tickets and a dozen eggs. Marmon beat out former richest man Elon Musk, who called the newcomer a beacon of inspiration.
Published: Saturday, January 28th, 2023 @ 10:47 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee taylor swift tickets eggs wealth |
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In recognition of Biden's tremendous accomplishment of going one full day without more classified documents found at one of his residences, the White House has proudly hung a banner saying: "1 Day Without Classified Documents Being Discovered At President's House."
Published: Friday, January 27th, 2023 @ 11:27 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee white house classified documents president sign |
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In response to an involuntary manslaughter charge stemming from a tragic shooting on the set of the movie Rust, Alec Baldwin's attorneys have announced that their client plans to enter a plea of "Democrat."
Published: Friday, January 27th, 2023 @ 10:51 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee shooting actor alec baldwin plead democrat |
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Jedi Master Yoda, living in self-imposed exile, proudly announced to his first visitor in decades that his pronouns are Him/He.
Published: Friday, January 27th, 2023 @ 3:13 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee star wars yoda pronouns |
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A local pastor was left embarrassed last weekend after proclaiming "Jesus was all about inclusion!" in his sermon, as it was later revealed he had actually been confusing Jesus with Satan the entire time.
Published: Friday, January 27th, 2023 @ 2:23 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee jesus pastor satan |
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Biden is once again embroiled in scandal after yet another box of his classified documents was found on the clearance shelf of a local Walmart.
Published: Friday, January 27th, 2023 @ 11:50 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee classified documents walmart |
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If you've been to church lately, you have probably noticed that the so-called "order of worship" really serves as more of a vague set of suggestions. Here, we present to you a more realistic order of worship, in all its glory:
Published: Friday, January 27th, 2023 @ 9:31 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee worship order church |
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The World Economic Forum has announced a follow-up to this year's smash musical hit, booking Yoko Ono to yodel for three straight hours.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 9:37 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee world economic forum economy yoko ono wef summit |
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Congregants of the church in Wittenberg have expressed frustration that Martin Luther nailed his list of ninety-five theses to the door in lieu of using the church's suggestion box.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 9:24 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee martin luther theses wittenberg doore |
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Governor Gavin Newsom has found himself once again mired in scandal, this time after being caught dining on eggs cooked on a gas stove at the French Laundry.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 3:48 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee california governor gavin newsom gas stove |
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Local man Harley Richards has become befuddled as people keep repeatedly stealing his flag that says, "Come and take it".
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 3:12 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee flag come and take it |
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Peloton has released an innovative new laundry rack that looks exactly like their original exercise bike, for the low cost of five hundred dollars.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 2:42 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee peloton laundry bike |
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While the nationwide labor shortage has been widely reported, one local Chick-Fil-A has suffered from an acute need for more workers. The store manager for the Omaha location says his location is staffed well below the nationwide average, with only 68 people working his drive-thru line.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 2:13 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee labor shortage chick-fil-a drive-thru |
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According to several reports, everyone from your Jr. High class still thinks about that one time you forgot to zip up your fly, and they laugh about it every single day.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 1:05 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee jr. high class fly |
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Local sinners Don and Cecily Whitewash were "shaken to the core" Friday after coming to the realization that their children were growing up to be just like them: sinners.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 12:46 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee parents children sinner |
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After hearing a strange clicking sound emanating from his 2013 Ford Taurus, local man Derrick Snodgram popped the car's hood, thus exhausting his knowledge of how cars work.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 11:25 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee man car knowledge |
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Local wife Victoria Crab phoned her husband in the early evening Thursday to see if he could run by the store real quick on his way home from work so he could grab a couple thousand items.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 9:06 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee wife husband store |
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While at the World Economic Forum, rightful President Al Gore delivered a stern warning on climate change, saying the world will not make it past the year 2012 if something isn't done immediately.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 8:57 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee world economic forum al gore 2012 climate change |
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Local man Jeremy Clams became bedridden Tuesday after a flu virus brutally assaulted his body with a sore throat, coughing, some body aches, and even a mild fever.
Published: Wednesday, January 25th, 2023 @ 9:56 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee man husband wife children flu |
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Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has been spotted in town after hearing the proposed payment of $5 million in reparations for all black people. The otherwise pasty, white Prime Minister appeared to have painted his entire body with black paint.
Published: Wednesday, January 25th, 2023 @ 7:17 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee justin trudeau san francisco prime minister canada |
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The Second Baptist community was in shock last Sunday after setting a record for the shortest Black church service in history. The service, which lasted just four hours and fifty-two minutes, was led by the church's new pastor, Rev. Ralph Washington Jenkins.
Published: Wednesday, January 25th, 2023 @ 6:58 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee church record black worship service |
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This week, local man Jeff Jefferson lost an estimated 30 minutes of his wife's attention while showing her a new TV program after she became distracted with each new character introduction and began furiously Googling them to remember where she had seen them before
Published: Wednesday, January 25th, 2023 @ 1:35 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee wife show google actor |
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Shockwaves reverberated throughout Egypt today as an international court officially ruled the nation must begin making payments of financial reparations to Israel for hundreds of years of slavery in ancient times.
Published: Wednesday, January 25th, 2023 @ 1:27 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee egypt israel reparations slavery |
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NHL star Ivan Provorov declined to participate in the Philadelphia Flyers' Pride Night or wear a rainbow-colored jersey, saying if he wanted to support the gay agenda he would have played soccer instead of hockey.
Published: Monday, January 23rd, 2023 @ 2:45 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee nhl hockey philadelphia soccer gay |
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Local second grader Tim Bumbly has been suspended from Rosa Parks 1619 Obama Elementary for repeatedly misgendering one of the M&M's candies he received in his lunch.
Published: Monday, January 23rd, 2023 @ 2:08 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee children school misgender m&m |
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Have you been wondering why so many people are suddenly collapsing? Well, it's definitely not in any way related to that one thing, that's for sure! The world's top experts have been hard at work studying what could cause this uptick in deaths.
Published: Monday, January 23rd, 2023 @ 2:00 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee vaccine covid19 death |
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In a moving press conference following a crushing loss to the Dallas Cowboys, quarterback Tom Brady said how thankful he was to have given up life with a supermodel wife and three beautiful children to lose in the first round of playoffs.
Published: Monday, January 23rd, 2023 @ 9:34 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee tom brady football nfl tampa bay family |
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The Department of Justice has announced that anyone found to have pre-ordered the upcoming Harry Potter franchise game Hogwarts Legacy will be added to an anti-trans watchlist.
Published: Monday, January 23rd, 2023 @ 9:23 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee doj hogwarts legacy game transgender watchlist |
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Being alive is hard. If you don't eat, you die. But, if you eat the wrong thing, you also die. So be careful out there, friends. What you're eating might be literally killing you!
Published: Saturday, January 21st, 2023 @ 1:09 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee food water eating |
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World Economic Forum President Børge Brende personally invited John the Baptist to speak at their annual meeting Tuesday after uncovering his propensity for eating disgusting bugs and owning nothing while being happy.
Published: Saturday, January 21st, 2023 @ 12:23 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee john the baptist world economic forum economy |
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In a leaked episode from the new season of The Mandolorian, it remains unclear whether Grogu collapsed from using too much of his force powers or if he just has myocarditis.
Published: Saturday, January 21st, 2023 @ 10:16 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee the mandalorian grogu myocarditis |
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Elites have gathered at the World Economic Forum to discuss the latest ways to fix all the world's problems while also making themselves extremely rich at the expense of the poor.
Published: Saturday, January 21st, 2023 @ 9:39 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee wef attendees eggs price world economic forum |
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Following the courageous example of USC, which just banned the word "field" for its racist connotations, Harvard University has announced they will no longer allow students or faculty to use the word "Harvard" due to its own tragic history of racism.
Published: Friday, January 20th, 2023 @ 11:52 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee racist history harvard |
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With the deadline fast approaching to increase the amount of money that can be legally stolen from the American people, Congress is being urged to come together and raise the nation's theft ceiling without conditions.
Published: Friday, January 20th, 2023 @ 9:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee washington dc congress theft |
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FBI agents love to use social media to stalk, harass, and spy on private citizens. Are they spying on you? Don't be a victim!
Published: Friday, January 20th, 2023 @ 7:45 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee fbi agent twitter social media |
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In honor of Dr. King and Coretta Scott King, artist Hank Thomas has unveiled a 20ft statue of the two hugging called the 'The Embrace'.
Published: Thursday, January 19th, 2023 @ 12:19 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee gofundme martin luther king jr. statue coretta scott king |
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Following the new tradition of erecting disturbing modern-art monuments for prominent historical figures, the city of Auburn has unveiled a bronze statue of abolitionist and Underground Railroad leader Harriet Tubman's left big toe.
Published: Thursday, January 19th, 2023 @ 11:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee harriet tubman statue toe |
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Investigators found classified documents in President Biden's garage. No one really knows why it was there, including Biden. But the real story is all the other stuff they found. His garage was a veritable treasure trove of scandal!
Published: Wednesday, January 18th, 2023 @ 11:59 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee investigation president joe biden garage |
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Local woman Karen Bain saved millions of lives this week when she put on a mask for her morning walk. She reportedly took a brief walk down the street and was careful to avoid direct contact with people, grateful for the mask that was saving both her life and the lives of others.
Published: Wednesday, January 18th, 2023 @ 7:49 pm
By: Babylon Bee
Search Terms: babylon bee mask sidewalk covid19 |