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WASHINGTON, D.C.—In its first big win since the inauguration in 2021, the Biden Administration announced that the Disinformation Governance Board has narrowly outlasted failed subscription program CNN+.
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In its first big win since the inauguration in 2021, the Biden Administration announced that the Disinformation Governance Board has narrowly outlasted failed subscription program CNN+.
 
The Bible is God's grand message to mankind. It leads us to Christ and and gives us everything we need to be complete, equipped for every good work.
The Bible is God's grand message to mankind. It leads us to Christ and and gives us everything we need to be complete, equipped for every good work.
 
Updating the press on the baby formula shortage that's affecting millions of American families, Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre (black, gay, immigrant) stated that all blame for the shortage rested squarely on the curly locks of the giant baby from Honey, I Blew Up The Kid.
Updating the press on the baby formula shortage that's affecting millions of American families, Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre (black, gay, immigrant) stated that all blame for the shortage rested squarely on the curly locks of the giant baby from Honey, I Blew Up The Kid.
 
As the baby formula crisis continues to grow, more families have opted for an alternative formula source and have started taking whey protein instead. The babies will still get everything they need for healthy development, as well as 50grams of protein per bottle.
As the baby formula crisis continues to grow, more families have opted for an alternative formula source and have started taking whey protein instead. The babies will still get everything they need for healthy development, as well as 50grams of protein per bottle.
 
The White House press pool grew frustrated today as new Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre responded to every question they asked with "I'm a gay, black immigrant."
The White House press pool grew frustrated today as new Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre responded to every question they asked with "I'm a gay, black immigrant."
 
In what many are calling a long-overdue act of democracy, justice, and equity, Sports Illustrated has honored Stacey Abrams as this year’s Swimsuit Edition cover model.
In what many are calling a long-overdue act of democracy, justice, and equity, Sports Illustrated has honored Stacey Abrams as this year’s Swimsuit Edition cover model.
 
In Paul's second letter to the Corinthians, he mentions a super annoying "thorn in the flesh" that burdened him.
In Paul's second letter to the Corinthians, he mentions a super annoying "thorn in the flesh" that burdened him.
 
According to sources, local feminist business executive Sarah McAndrews prefers to unwind after a hard day at work by sitting on the couch with a pint of ice cream while fantasizing about being a happily married stay-at-home mom.
According to sources, local feminist business executive Sarah McAndrews prefers to unwind after a hard day at work by sitting on the couch with a pint of ice cream while fantasizing about being a happily married stay-at-home mom.
 
Paper straws in the Golden City will now come with a 15-second self-destruct timer to help customers understand how close they are to having their straw dissolve into a pile of useless goo.
Paper straws in the Golden City will now come with a 15-second self-destruct timer to help customers understand how close they are to having their straw dissolve into a pile of useless goo.
 
A disturbing report from the DOJ has revealed that up to 50,000 wives go missing each year in Cracker Barrel's country store, never to be seen again. This phenomenon has been occurring for decades but is only just now coming to light.
A disturbing report from the DOJ has revealed that up to 50,000 wives go missing each year in Cracker Barrel's country store, never to be seen again. This phenomenon has been occurring for decades but is only just now coming to light.
 
According to sources, local family man Donald Playfield decided to start packing his things just 12 minutes before leaving on a two-week vacation to Yucatán, Mexico.
According to sources, local family man Donald Playfield decided to start packing his things just 12 minutes before leaving on a two-week vacation to Yucatán, Mexico.
 
Following the failed vote on pro-abortion legislation proposed by Democrats, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio Cortez has issued a statement that democracy has failed and that our nation may never recover.
Following the failed vote on pro-abortion legislation proposed by Democrats, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio Cortez has issued a statement that democracy has failed and that our nation may never recover.
 
The Monkeypox pandemic has finally breached the shores of the United States, with the CDC confirming a staggering 1 infections so far.
The Monkeypox pandemic has finally breached the shores of the United States, with the CDC confirming a staggering 1 infections so far.
 
Sporting a purple pin-striped suit and top hat while twirling a cane whimsically, President Biden announced today that he has hidden five golden crack pipes among the millions of taxpayer-funded safe smoking kits.
Sporting a purple pin-striped suit and top hat while twirling a cane whimsically, President Biden announced today that he has hidden five golden crack pipes among the millions of taxpayer-funded safe smoking kits.
 
The US dollar is losing value as a result of burgeoning Biden-flation. Before we all end up homeless, let's take some time to reflect on some things that are more valuable than the money in your bank account. Maybe you can barter for some of these killer items before it's too late!
The US dollar is losing value as a result of burgeoning Biden-flation. Before we all end up homeless, let's take some time to reflect on some things that are more valuable than the money in your bank account. Maybe you can barter for some of these killer items before it's too late!
 
At a donor event this week, President Biden tried his hand at focus group-tested insults, calling Trump the "Great MAGA King" to mixed reviews.
At a donor event this week, President Biden tried his hand at focus group-tested insults, calling Trump the "Great MAGA King" to mixed reviews.
 
Authorities discovered an incapacitated father Thursday night while following up on reports of a possible domestic disturbance.
Authorities discovered an incapacitated father Thursday night while following up on reports of a possible domestic disturbance.
 
After the spectacular crash in the cryptocurrency market this week, Matt Damon and his publicists worked overtime to produce a new commercial to apologize for convincing amateurs to invest in cryptocurrency.
After the spectacular crash in the cryptocurrency market this week, Matt Damon and his publicists worked overtime to produce a new commercial to apologize for convincing amateurs to invest in cryptocurrency.
 
Look out, Florida! Gov Ron DeSantis just signed some super-based executive orders to own the libs! Awwwww yeeeaaaaaah!
Look out, Florida! Gov Ron DeSantis just signed some super-based executive orders to own the libs! Awwwww yeeeaaaaaah!
 
As White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki departs today for a job at MSNBC, several members of the White House Press Corps expressed concern that she may not be intending to circle back to their questions after all.
As White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki departs today for a job at MSNBC, several members of the White House Press Corps expressed concern that she may not be intending to circle back to their questions after all.
 
Former President Donald J. Trump was crowned MAGA King shortly after pulling the legendary rifle of Kyle Rittenhouse from a stone.
Former President Donald J. Trump was crowned MAGA King shortly after pulling the legendary rifle of Kyle Rittenhouse from a stone.
 
Harry Splugwarp, a deacon at Straight & Narrow Church, began searching the scriptures fervently for Jesus' teaching about funding Lockheed Martin following House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's comments that funding a war in a foreign land was tantamount to feeding someone who was hungry.
Harry Splugwarp, a deacon at Straight & Narrow Church, began searching the scriptures fervently for Jesus' teaching about funding Lockheed Martin following House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's comments that funding a war in a foreign land was tantamount to feeding someone who was hungry.
 
The nation can breathe a sigh of relief today as former President Trump announced he has been stockpiling baby formula for seven years after being warned in a dream of the coming shortage.
The nation can breathe a sigh of relief today as former President Trump announced he has been stockpiling baby formula for seven years after being warned in a dream of the coming shortage.
 
After having their homes surrounded by hordes of bloodthirsty commie protestors, the five originalist judges on the Supreme Court reached out for protection from the government, but were denied.
After having their homes surrounded by hordes of bloodthirsty commie protestors, the five originalist judges on the Supreme Court reached out for protection from the government, but were denied.
 
Local introvert Esther Leigh surprised her husband of ten years Thursday by sitting him down and explaining that he'd been mispronouncing her name this whole time.
Local introvert Esther Leigh surprised her husband of ten years Thursday by sitting him down and explaining that he'd been mispronouncing her name this whole time.
 
Biden tried to warn us. He's been sounding the alarm for weeks now, desperately trying to alert the nation to a grave threat to our national security: ULTRA MAGA.
Biden tried to warn us. He's been sounding the alarm for weeks now, desperately trying to alert the nation to a grave threat to our national security: ULTRA MAGA.
 
It's important for kids to read because it nurtures their imagination and will help them understand important concepts like the political background in the world of Dune—or why socialism fails every time it's tried.
It's important for kids to read because it nurtures their imagination and will help them understand important concepts like the political background in the world of Dune—or why socialism fails every time it's tried.
 
MOSCOW—Spirits were high in the Ministry of Defense after Russian military leaders learned that the United States would soon be sending $40 billion in supplies to Ukraine, which would then be almost assuredly lost or abandoned like a Trapper Keeper full of middle school history notes.
MOSCOW—Spirits were high in the Ministry of Defense after Russian military leaders learned that the United States would soon be sending $40 billion in supplies to Ukraine, which would then be almost assuredly lost or abandoned like a Trapper Keeper full of middle school history notes.
 
President Biden today announced his plan to address the baby formula crisis, asking each illegal immigrant to please bring one can of formula to drop off when they cross the border.
President Biden today announced his plan to address the baby formula crisis, asking each illegal immigrant to please bring one can of formula to drop off when they cross the border.
 
With infant formula shortages reaching crisis levels across the nation, Pete Buttigieg is struggling to find food for his twin babies and has been forced to resort to chestfeeding.
With infant formula shortages reaching crisis levels across the nation, Pete Buttigieg is struggling to find food for his twin babies and has been forced to resort to chestfeeding.
 
At the suggestion of his agent, his team of attorneys, and his plumber, Johnny Depp had bird spikes installed on his bed to prevent Amber Heard from pooping in it.
At the suggestion of his agent, his team of attorneys, and his plumber, Johnny Depp had bird spikes installed on his bed to prevent Amber Heard from pooping in it.
 
Following the leak of the Supreme Court opinion that could overturn Roe V. Wade, hundreds of abortion advocates traveled to protest outside the homes of the conservative Justices.
Following the leak of the Supreme Court opinion that could overturn Roe V. Wade, hundreds of abortion advocates traveled to protest outside the homes of the conservative Justices.
 
This Wednesday, reports poured in that thousands of babies have been smuggling themselves into Ukraine dressed as Ukrainian soldiers.
This Wednesday, reports poured in that thousands of babies have been smuggling themselves into Ukraine dressed as Ukrainian soldiers.
 
Tired of killing people by accident because you're trying to show off your cool gun? We know how inconvenient that can be. That's why we are huge advocates of common-sense gun safety.
Tired of killing people by accident because you're trying to show off your cool gun? We know how inconvenient that can be. That's why we are huge advocates of common-sense gun safety.
 
PORTLAND, OR —After careful study, marriage experts have concluded that a man who would choose to kill a baby to keep from being stuck with a woman is not really good husband material.
PORTLAND, OR —After careful study, marriage experts have concluded that a man who would choose to kill a baby to keep from being stuck with a woman is not really good husband material.
 
RIPON, CA — When an abrupt knock at the door interrupted his Raiders game, local man Joe Castaneda almost overturned his bowl of tortilla chips.
RIPON, CA — When an abrupt knock at the door interrupted his Raiders game, local man Joe Castaneda almost overturned his bowl of tortilla chips.
 
Twitter users ripped first lady Jill Biden after she claimed President Joe Biden’s team was “working around the clock” to solve the baby formula shortage plaguing the nation.
Twitter users ripped first lady Jill Biden after she claimed President Joe Biden’s team was “working around the clock” to solve the baby formula shortage plaguing the nation.
 
After a recent announcement that they will pay their female employees to acquire out-of-state abortions, Amazon took things a step further this week by announcing a new one-child policy for all female employees, effective immediately.
After a recent announcement that they will pay their female employees to acquire out-of-state abortions, Amazon took things a step further this week by announcing a new one-child policy for all female employees, effective immediately.
 
Jen Psaki has announced that she is stepping down as White House Press Secretary in order to take up a position as the Mouth of Sauron.
Jen Psaki has announced that she is stepping down as White House Press Secretary in order to take up a position as the Mouth of Sauron.
 
Former President Donald Trump has declared his very first move after victory in 2024 will be to make himself head of the new Disinformation Governance Board.
Former President Donald Trump has declared his very first move after victory in 2024 will be to make himself head of the new Disinformation Governance Board.
 
This morning, Mattel announced the launch of a new Barbie-themed toy: a pregnant Ken doll. The move has been hailed as an exciting step forward for trans inclusion.
This morning, Mattel announced the launch of a new Barbie-themed toy: a pregnant Ken doll. The move has been hailed as an exciting step forward for trans inclusion.
 
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