![]() |
Donald Trump outsmarted his enemies once again with another brilliant 4D chess maneuver, making use of a mini-Trump ventriloquist doll to skirt a gag order imposed by U.S. District Judge Tanya Chutkan.
Published: Saturday, December 9th, 2023 @ 2:01 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
With the Israeli military continuing its strikes in Gaza, terrorist organization Hamas released a statement clarifying that it intended to start a war in which its members are the only ones allowed to attack and kill anyone, and the other side can't fight back in any way.
Published: Saturday, December 9th, 2023 @ 1:35 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
In a complex world of international intrigue and shadowy conspiracies, who is to say what is right or wrong anymore? Are you a good guy, or a bad guy? WHO KNOWS!
Published: Saturday, December 9th, 2023 @ 12:25 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Former President Donald Trump challenged his political opponents to an eclipse stare-off over the weekend to prove who among them has the most superior retinal strength.
Published: Saturday, December 9th, 2023 @ 12:08 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Excitement is at an all-time high as The Daily Wire gets ready to unleash its kids' streaming programming platform Bentkey on unsuspecting Americans.
Published: Saturday, December 9th, 2023 @ 10:28 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Continuing its mission to show how Taylor Swift can point people to Christ, The Gospel Coalition proudly announced the release today of Fearless: The Taylor Swift Study Bible.
Published: Saturday, December 9th, 2023 @ 7:31 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
House Republicans were relieved nothing globally significant happened this week while they hashed out who will replace ousted Kevin McCarthy as the next Speaker of the House.
Published: Friday, December 8th, 2023 @ 5:54 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Members of the terrorist organization Hamas were left frustrated after hearing many leftists in the United States and throughout the world were skeptical that Hamas had brutally massacred over 1,300 Jewish civilians after Hamas had put serious effort into livestreaming the atrocities.
Published: Friday, December 8th, 2023 @ 7:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Alumni past and present gathered at the steps of Low Library on Columbia's Morningside campus in New York City to celebrate the awarding of an honorary doctorate to none other than Osama Bin Laden.
Published: Friday, December 8th, 2023 @ 12:42 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
As the rest of the world sits on edge due to the leader of the terrorist organization Hamas calling for a global day of jihad, residents of the state of Texas seemed entirely unconcerned.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 9:47 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
A local couple capped off a lovely evening together at an Italian restaurant by having their waitress provide them with a to-go box so they can make sure the inside of their car will smell like chicken parmesan for the next three weeks.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 9:26 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
PARIS — Following a fatal knife attack by a self-proclaimed jihadist in Arras, France, the leaders of Western nations wondered if there would ever be some sort of way to physically stop jihadists from entering their borders.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 9:06 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
A college graduate with a very expensive Master's degree in Ancient Sumerian Poetry wrote a massive check to a plumber this week, prompting him to question every decision he's made in his adult life.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 8:20 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
As part of a new initiative to provide public services to minority groups in need, California Governor Gavin Newsom has promised the state's new "Ebony Alert" system for black people will be "separate but equal."
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 7:46 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
California lottery officials have provided details regarding the latest Powerball winner. A Hispanic and long-time California resident named Vladimiro Zelensko is reported to have won the whopping $1.7 billion Powerball lottery.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 5:06 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
A hot new blanket is flying off the shelves and into the laps of women across the country thanks in part to its unique ability to light itself on fire.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 6:52 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
On the heels of a fresh sighting of Bigfoot in the mountains of Colorado, new reports have arisen of the creature — the existence of which has long been debated — being spotted lumbering around the National Mall in front of the U.S. Capitol.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 1:14 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Everything's more expensive in this economy, including toilet paper! If you're looking to save some money on pricey bathroom tissue, here are a few equally viable alternatives for wiping your posterior.
Published: Wednesday, December 6th, 2023 @ 6:51 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Local woman Kelly Reese somehow remained completely unmoved today despite her husband Tom reciting every single word from the Lord of The Rings movies from memory.
Published: Wednesday, December 6th, 2023 @ 2:55 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
A local Chick-fil-A ground to a halt Wednesday after an employee accidentally told another employee, "My pleasure." As a result, the pair of employees became trapped in an endless loop of "my pleasure" with no end in sight.
Published: Wednesday, December 6th, 2023 @ 2:20 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
A new peer-reviewed thesis has made a compelling argument that the Apostle Thomas only believed that Jesus Christ had risen from the dead after seeing Jesus's face miraculously appear on his slice of toast one morning.
Published: Wednesday, December 6th, 2023 @ 2:24 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
According to sources, federal agents confronted a group of Antifa rioters who were in the middle of burning down a courthouse so they could ask them if they'd seen any dangerous MAGA around.
Published: Wednesday, December 6th, 2023 @ 1:30 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
All was not trumpets and harps at the Pearly Gates following a surprising revelation that has really ruffled some holy vestments. Saints in Heaven were shocked to learn Catholics have been trying to talk to them this whole time.
Published: Tuesday, December 5th, 2023 @ 11:44 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
In an attempt to shore up his abysmal approval ratings and poll numbers before the 2024 campaign season begins in earnest, President Joe Biden has unveiled a revamped approach to seeking re-election
Published: Tuesday, December 5th, 2023 @ 6:04 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Newly sworn-in California Senator Laphonza Butler expressed excitement about her new job, citing the short commute to work from her home state of Maryland.
Published: Tuesday, December 5th, 2023 @ 2:29 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
An emergency alert message was errantly sent to over 330 million phones today after President Biden accidentally hit the wrong button reaching for his Life Alert.
Published: Tuesday, December 5th, 2023 @ 2:15 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
The scab covering the still-fresh wound of his removal from office was ripped back open today, as Kevin McCarthy's long-awaited "Speaker of the House" nameplate finally arrived from the engraver.
Published: Monday, December 4th, 2023 @ 4:19 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
While government officials usually do an excellent job making decisions for your family, even they can make mistakes! Here are eight signs that it's time to change schools from what the government chose for your kid:
Published: Sunday, December 3rd, 2023 @ 10:39 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Just one day after the unprecedented removal of Kevin McCarthy as Speaker of the House of Representatives, tragedy struck on Capitol Hill, as the crew tasked with moving Nancy Pelosi out of her long-occupied "hideaway" office was crushed to death by a sudden avalanche
Published: Sunday, December 3rd, 2023 @ 8:11 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Former police officer Derek Chauvin was charged with yet another appalling atrocity today after allegedly assaulting a fellow inmate's shiv with his body while serving time for the 2020 death of George Floyd.
Published: Sunday, December 3rd, 2023 @ 3:14 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Jeremy Dunning, an obviously savage Neanderthal who lives in a cave within the Albuquerque city limits, reportedly has been heard on multiple occasions stating that he just doesn't think Weird Al is all that funny.
Published: Saturday, December 2nd, 2023 @ 11:00 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
Government Clarifies Alert Message Reading 'THE ARACHNIDS ARE HERE, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!' Just A TestU.S. — The federal government quickly reminded everyone that the emergency alert telling everyone to run for their lives from invading arachnids was merely a test.
Published: Saturday, December 2nd, 2023 @ 11:04 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
The notoriously frugal Donaldson family cleverly posed as illegal immigrants, scoring a free week at a luxury hotel in downtown New York City.
Published: Saturday, December 2nd, 2023 @ 10:53 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
![]() |
After being caught off guard by criticism of his selection of Laphonza Butler to replace the late Dianne Feinstein in Congress, California Governor Gavin Newsom defended his choice by saying Butler was the most qualified candidate among the .00001% of the population he was choosing
Published: Saturday, December 2nd, 2023 @ 10:18 am
By: Babylon Bee
|