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WATCH: Texas authorities confirm the child will be an American citizen if born on U.S. soil, says that's the goal
WATCH: Texas authorities confirm the child will be an American citizen if born on U.S. soil, says that's the goal
 
A local couple's first night out together in months got off to a rocky start, as a man took his wife out to dinner at a very expensive restaurant only to be left disappointed after learning the McFlurry machine was broken.
A local couple's first night out together in months got off to a rocky start, as a man took his wife out to dinner at a very expensive restaurant only to be left disappointed after learning the McFlurry machine was broken.
 
Against all logic, a local wife somehow avoided feelings of unbridled passion after her husband sat her down to listen to a podcast of Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson talking in depth about sex.
Against all logic, a local wife somehow avoided feelings of unbridled passion after her husband sat her down to listen to a podcast of Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson talking in depth about sex.
 
A local marriage is reportedly on the rocks after a woman expressed a desire to go on more dates with her husband, apparently forgetting he just took her to Costco yesterday.
A local marriage is reportedly on the rocks after a woman expressed a desire to go on more dates with her husband, apparently forgetting he just took her to Costco yesterday.
 
According to sources, local husband and father Ben Arnold converted to the Jehovah's Witness religion in a daring gambit to avoid putting up Christmas lights this season.
According to sources, local husband and father Ben Arnold converted to the Jehovah's Witness religion in a daring gambit to avoid putting up Christmas lights this season.
 
FAYETTEVILLE, AR — As the December days began to tick away, a local man grew so desperate in his attempt to buy his wife a great Christmas gift that he decided to reach out to the National Security Agency to find out what she wants.
FAYETTEVILLE, AR — As the December days began to tick away, a local man grew so desperate in his attempt to buy his wife a great Christmas gift that he decided to reach out to the National Security Agency to find out what she wants.
 
Marriage experts now confirm that a husband reminding his wife that the Bible says she should submit to him leads to the happiest marriages.
Marriage experts now confirm that a husband reminding his wife that the Bible says she should submit to him leads to the happiest marriages.
 
A rescue team was able to locate and extract a local man who had been buried after inadvertently triggering a massive avalanche of his wife's bottles from a shelf in the shower. A fire department spokesman, however, said the man remains hospitalized.
A rescue team was able to locate and extract a local man who had been buried after inadvertently triggering a massive avalanche of his wife's bottles from a shelf in the shower. A fire department spokesman, however, said the man remains hospitalized.
 
Local wife and mother Paula Haybrook gently asked her husband of 12 years if he was planning to remove his "Roman soldier" costume any time soon now that Halloween is over.
Local wife and mother Paula Haybrook gently asked her husband of 12 years if he was planning to remove his "Roman soldier" costume any time soon now that Halloween is over.
 
It's that time of year, men! It's time to gather up all the love and appreciation you feel for your wife all year long and make a last-minute trip to the Walgreens down on the corner to buy her the perfect Christmas gift.
It's that time of year, men! It's time to gather up all the love and appreciation you feel for your wife all year long and make a last-minute trip to the Walgreens down on the corner to buy her the perfect Christmas gift.
 
According to sources, a local couple has settled in for a romantic evening of sitting down next to each other and sending memes back and forth.
According to sources, a local couple has settled in for a romantic evening of sitting down next to each other and sending memes back and forth.
 
Local woman Kelly Reese somehow remained completely unmoved today despite her husband Tom reciting every single word from the Lord of The Rings movies from memory.
Local woman Kelly Reese somehow remained completely unmoved today despite her husband Tom reciting every single word from the Lord of The Rings movies from memory.
 
What began as a pleasant weekend evening in the Belnap household quickly soured due to husband Lance's relational ineptitude. Trisha had grown frustrated that he did not realize she wanted him to be quiet and also talk to her and also leave her alone and also come and talk to her.
What began as a pleasant weekend evening in the Belnap household quickly soured due to husband Lance's relational ineptitude. Trisha had grown frustrated that he did not realize she wanted him to be quiet and also talk to her and also leave her alone and also come and talk to her.
 
After you get married, it's common for the flame of love to cool, with each spouse eventually reaching the point of using the toilet with the bathroom door open, wearing nothing but sweatpants around the house, and finding deep-seated flaws in the way each other breathes.
After you get married, it's common for the flame of love to cool, with each spouse eventually reaching the point of using the toilet with the bathroom door open, wearing nothing but sweatpants around the house, and finding deep-seated flaws in the way each other breathes.
 
It's that "special time" of the month, your wife has that crazy look in her eyes, and you know your next words could be your last. What do you say?
It's that "special time" of the month, your wife has that crazy look in her eyes, and you know your next words could be your last. What do you say?
 
So-called conservative man Ross Jennings was caught hiding in the closet this morning eating avocado toast.
So-called conservative man Ross Jennings was caught hiding in the closet this morning eating avocado toast.
 
It's that time again, wives of sportsball fans! It's time for your husbands to break out their football jerseys and for you to constantly ask them millions of important questions while the game is on.
It's that time again, wives of sportsball fans! It's time for your husbands to break out their football jerseys and for you to constantly ask them millions of important questions while the game is on.
 
As the Bible says, none is righteous, no, not one — especially when it comes to what you do in your wife's dreams. She has legitimate reasons to be mad at you for it, so don't you dare act like you don't know what you did!
As the Bible says, none is righteous, no, not one — especially when it comes to what you do in your wife's dreams. She has legitimate reasons to be mad at you for it, so don't you dare act like you don't know what you did!
 
Three hours and several cups of coffee later, Sarah Cochran deeply regretted asking her husband Mark why those little guys didn't just fly the eagles to Mordor.
Three hours and several cups of coffee later, Sarah Cochran deeply regretted asking her husband Mark why those little guys didn't just fly the eagles to Mordor.
 
Casey DeSantis had nothing but praise for her husband Republican Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis and all the support he gave her as she recounted her emotional battle with breast cancer.
Casey DeSantis had nothing but praise for her husband Republican Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis and all the support he gave her as she recounted her emotional battle with breast cancer.
 
In a stunning display of patience and self-control, local husband, Mark Elgin, endured an excruciating evening as he watched his beloved wife, Sarah, repeatedly send her Mario character plummeting into the same lava pit 597 consecutive times.
In a stunning display of patience and self-control, local husband, Mark Elgin, endured an excruciating evening as he watched his beloved wife, Sarah, repeatedly send her Mario character plummeting into the same lava pit 597 consecutive times.
 
Every husband knows the feeling. Your wife is mad — at you — and you have some work to do to fix it. The hard part is knowing what to do if you want to smooth things over.
Every husband knows the feeling. Your wife is mad — at you — and you have some work to do to fix it. The hard part is knowing what to do if you want to smooth things over.
 
The gravy train keeps flowing for Congresswoman Cori ‘Defund The Police’ Bush’s (D-MO) bodyguard hubby. A new report indicates that he has received thousands of dollars for private security and “wage expenses” from Bush’s campaign.
The gravy train keeps flowing for Congresswoman Cori ‘Defund The Police’ Bush’s (D-MO) bodyguard hubby. A new report indicates that he has received thousands of dollars for private security and “wage expenses” from Bush’s campaign.
 
Scott Lassiter, an assistant principal at Connections Academy Middle School and member of the Wake County Soil and Water Conservation District Board of Supervisors, filed a lawsuit against N.C. House Speaker Tim Moore, R-Cleveland, accusing Moore of helping to break up Lassiter’s marriage.
Scott Lassiter, an assistant principal at Connections Academy Middle School and member of the Wake County Soil and Water Conservation District Board of Supervisors, filed a lawsuit against N.C. House Speaker Tim Moore, R-Cleveland, accusing Moore of helping to break up Lassiter’s marriage.
 
A local woman has assured her husband she'll definitely be "in the mood" if he rubs her back for at least three hours.
A local woman has assured her husband she'll definitely be "in the mood" if he rubs her back for at least three hours.
 
A newly married couple had determined the Lord is directing them to wait a while to have children after they spent the past week volunteering to serve in Vacation Bible School at their church.
A newly married couple had determined the Lord is directing them to wait a while to have children after they spent the past week volunteering to serve in Vacation Bible School at their church.
 
A local woman shut her laptop quickly when her husband walked in the room and explained that she was only looking at Zillow to check how much their current house was worth and not to browse new homes.
A local woman shut her laptop quickly when her husband walked in the room and explained that she was only looking at Zillow to check how much their current house was worth and not to browse new homes.
 
In the wake of the Target controversy resulting in widespread calls for boycotts among suburban housewife shoppers, husbands across the United States have begun praying faith-based home decor retail chain Hobby Lobby will make a bad public relations decision to cause a similar firestorm
In the wake of the Target controversy resulting in widespread calls for boycotts among suburban housewife shoppers, husbands across the United States have begun praying faith-based home decor retail chain Hobby Lobby will make a bad public relations decision to cause a similar firestorm
 
Local wife Jill Williams spent the better part of Tuesday having a drawn-out argument with her husband Tad that occurred entirely in her own head.
Local wife Jill Williams spent the better part of Tuesday having a drawn-out argument with her husband Tad that occurred entirely in her own head.
 
A foolish man offered a solution to a problem his wife was having Sunday evening in an ongoing series of unforced errors.
A foolish man offered a solution to a problem his wife was having Sunday evening in an ongoing series of unforced errors.
 
A concerned husband assured his wife on Wednesday he was only reading Song of Solomon to study profound theological doctrine, not to check out the...er... you know..."interesting" bits.
A concerned husband assured his wife on Wednesday he was only reading Song of Solomon to study profound theological doctrine, not to check out the...er... you know..."interesting" bits.
 
Local wife Katy Benson called her husband Graham this morning to inform him that the minivan had suffered a "rapid unscheduled disassembly."
Local wife Katy Benson called her husband Graham this morning to inform him that the minivan had suffered a "rapid unscheduled disassembly."
 
After years of frustration at her husband's inability to pay attention to the brief, three-hour conversations she forced him into, local wife Florence Berph implemented a brilliant new tactic to trick him into listening by starting with, "Welcome to my podcast."
After years of frustration at her husband's inability to pay attention to the brief, three-hour conversations she forced him into, local wife Florence Berph implemented a brilliant new tactic to trick him into listening by starting with, "Welcome to my podcast."
 
Tensions rose between a local couple today after a woman texted her husband to ask him to pick up a mobile Target order for her on his way home from work, to which he replied "Ok." Reports indicated she was not at all happy with the tone of his "Ok" response.
Tensions rose between a local couple today after a woman texted her husband to ask him to pick up a mobile Target order for her on his way home from work, to which he replied "Ok." Reports indicated she was not at all happy with the tone of his "Ok" response.
 
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