In Difficult Times Good People gravitate towards Absolute Truth
Toys for Snots
Publisher's note: I just had to bring this one back in light of the holiday season, and this post's popularity as per the search engines.
As much as I would like to claim this high level of creativity in expressing succinctly the social malaise that exists within the Occupy Movement, I cannot. In the 5 minutes it took me to make my way to meet my wife for a brisk walk along Washington's Waterfront, I heard this bit of humor proffered on Rush Limbaugh's Radio Show.
The setup: Rush is doing his "Open Mike Friday," when a young man, who represents himself as military in occupation, has an audience with the Maha Rushie himself, and intones (I liberally paraphrase to the point of profound embellishment, here below):
Young Man: "Rush, this is indeed a pleasure to be speaking with the Maha Rushie, and since I have the great fortune to speak with you today, I have a request. Now, I have always thought you to be a wise and generous man, and in that spirit of the impending holidays, I respectfully request that you enact a new program, along the lines of the United States Marine Corps's Toys for Tots, but this should be tailored to accommodate the Occupy Movement, some of whom, sadly, will not be home for the holidays.
Young Man continues: However, rather than calling it Toy for Tots, it shall be called 'Toys for Snots.' The concept is that each of these occupiers shall get a care package, as they are away from home for the holidays, with the most notable item in that care package being a 'You Owe Me Elmo Doll.' The doll will resemble the 'Tickle Me Elmo Doll,' but will speak phrases, when the doll's string is pulled, that are more to the liking of these occupiers, like: [in a whining voice] 'Pay off my student loan, or we'll never leave,' or 'I want a high paying government job - one that I can never get fired from - because you owe me.'"
Rush (who actually read my mind right then and there): [Rush laughing his butt off] "Young Man, I wish I had thought of this."
The occupy crowd doing what they do best: taking up space and waxing pissed off.
Well, neither Rush nor I thought of this most original and topical concept, so kudos to the young man, whose occupation is the military: Thanks for one of the best laughs that I have had this week.
I have long said before today, that these funny, funny people occupying this place or that place, as if they had good sense, are some of the greatest sources of humor that should be mined for the betterment of the collective mood of the rest of us. We, who toil without fail, whom endeavor to scratch our way through Barack Obama's economic recession of his own making, owe this young man a small debt of gratitude for stating the obvious in a most original format. Because of this young man's creativity, who serves our nation faithfully, I had a few moments of humor to help me through yet another day.
Thank-you once again.
Publisher's note: It's 11:01 pm, 12/2/2011, and I just found the transcript for the "Toys for Snots" monologue from the young caller on the Rush Limbaugh Radio Show, and my version is obviously well embellished by virtue of my memory, or lack there of, after three hours that passed between hearing it on the radio, and making a journal of my memory of what was said. Both versions have merit, however, the original transcript here below is funnier.
Begin transcript
Rush: Albany in New York. Dave, welcome to the EIB Network. Hello, sir.
Caller: Twenty-plus years of dittos to you, Rush. Thanks for the education and certainly the joy on the airwaves of.
Rush: Thank you.
Caller: I've really appreciated it over all these years.
Rush: Thank you, sir, very much.
Caller: You know, I know that you are absolutely not only the sentimental type but you are also the caring type, the loving Maha Rushie that you are. I've got an idea for you Rush and I honestly think you'll like it. I hope you do anyway -- and this is for all the Occupy folks because I know you care about them, and I know you love the military and you love a lot of the things that they do. I'm a member of the military myself. How about a "Toys for Snots" program.
Rush: Ooh.
Caller: Toys for Snots, all the snots down on Occupy Wall Street. You could like throw them out toys like, "You Owe Me Elmo," where you pull the string and it says, "Health care is a right," or something like that.
Rush: (laughing)
Caller: "Tax the rich," or, you know, "Where's my job?"
Rush: (laughing)
Caller: Maybe we could have "Sponge Off Taxpayers" or "Captain AmeriCorps." You know, he stands for deceit, social justice and the Marxist way.
RUSH: (laughing and applauding)
Caller: I just thought you, as Santa Rush --
Rush: (laughing)
Caller: -- could come down the street in a big open sleigh like downtown Macy's, because you know how much they love Macy's. Go right down to Wall Street chucking out all these "You Owe Me Elmos" and --
Rush: (laughing)
Caller: -- and everything. What do you think?
Rush: I love it.
Caller: (laughing)
Rush: I absolutely love it! Play off of Toys for Tots. You know, I first became aware of Toys for Tots when I was working in Pittsburgh and the radio station had a joint thing going with the Pittsburgh Penguins at the time, and we'd go into shopping malls late in the afternoon to stay with the Marines and the Toys for Tots and so forth. It was a hoot; it was fun. It's one of the most recent times I've been to a mall. It would be 19'73. I even did one with former Pittsburgh Steeler John "Frenchy" Fuqua, number 33. The guy showed up with goldfish in the heels of his shoes. John "Frenchy" Fuqua. Yeah, he's a great guy, and Pittsburgh people will no doubt remember him and the goldfish in the heels of the shoes, and now Two If By Tea associated with Marines. "Toys for Snots," a giant sleigh at Occupy, Toys for Snots? (laughing) Ah, that's one of those things I wish I had thought of myself. But the problem is, somebody has to tell the Toys for Snots snots that there's no Santa. Who gets that job?
End transcript
Go Back
As much as I would like to claim this high level of creativity in expressing succinctly the social malaise that exists within the Occupy Movement, I cannot. In the 5 minutes it took me to make my way to meet my wife for a brisk walk along Washington's Waterfront, I heard this bit of humor proffered on Rush Limbaugh's Radio Show.
The setup: Rush is doing his "Open Mike Friday," when a young man, who represents himself as military in occupation, has an audience with the Maha Rushie himself, and intones (I liberally paraphrase to the point of profound embellishment, here below):
Young Man: "Rush, this is indeed a pleasure to be speaking with the Maha Rushie, and since I have the great fortune to speak with you today, I have a request. Now, I have always thought you to be a wise and generous man, and in that spirit of the impending holidays, I respectfully request that you enact a new program, along the lines of the United States Marine Corps's Toys for Tots, but this should be tailored to accommodate the Occupy Movement, some of whom, sadly, will not be home for the holidays.
Young Man continues: However, rather than calling it Toy for Tots, it shall be called 'Toys for Snots.' The concept is that each of these occupiers shall get a care package, as they are away from home for the holidays, with the most notable item in that care package being a 'You Owe Me Elmo Doll.' The doll will resemble the 'Tickle Me Elmo Doll,' but will speak phrases, when the doll's string is pulled, that are more to the liking of these occupiers, like: [in a whining voice] 'Pay off my student loan, or we'll never leave,' or 'I want a high paying government job - one that I can never get fired from - because you owe me.'"
Rush (who actually read my mind right then and there): [Rush laughing his butt off] "Young Man, I wish I had thought of this."
Well, neither Rush nor I thought of this most original and topical concept, so kudos to the young man, whose occupation is the military: Thanks for one of the best laughs that I have had this week.
I have long said before today, that these funny, funny people occupying this place or that place, as if they had good sense, are some of the greatest sources of humor that should be mined for the betterment of the collective mood of the rest of us. We, who toil without fail, whom endeavor to scratch our way through Barack Obama's economic recession of his own making, owe this young man a small debt of gratitude for stating the obvious in a most original format. Because of this young man's creativity, who serves our nation faithfully, I had a few moments of humor to help me through yet another day.
Thank-you once again.
Publisher's note: It's 11:01 pm, 12/2/2011, and I just found the transcript for the "Toys for Snots" monologue from the young caller on the Rush Limbaugh Radio Show, and my version is obviously well embellished by virtue of my memory, or lack there of, after three hours that passed between hearing it on the radio, and making a journal of my memory of what was said. Both versions have merit, however, the original transcript here below is funnier.
Begin transcript
Rush: Albany in New York. Dave, welcome to the EIB Network. Hello, sir.
Caller: Twenty-plus years of dittos to you, Rush. Thanks for the education and certainly the joy on the airwaves of.
Rush: Thank you.
Caller: I've really appreciated it over all these years.
Rush: Thank you, sir, very much.
Caller: You know, I know that you are absolutely not only the sentimental type but you are also the caring type, the loving Maha Rushie that you are. I've got an idea for you Rush and I honestly think you'll like it. I hope you do anyway -- and this is for all the Occupy folks because I know you care about them, and I know you love the military and you love a lot of the things that they do. I'm a member of the military myself. How about a "Toys for Snots" program.
Rush: Ooh.
Caller: Toys for Snots, all the snots down on Occupy Wall Street. You could like throw them out toys like, "You Owe Me Elmo," where you pull the string and it says, "Health care is a right," or something like that.
Rush: (laughing)
Caller: "Tax the rich," or, you know, "Where's my job?"
Rush: (laughing)
Caller: Maybe we could have "Sponge Off Taxpayers" or "Captain AmeriCorps." You know, he stands for deceit, social justice and the Marxist way.
RUSH: (laughing and applauding)
Caller: I just thought you, as Santa Rush --
Rush: (laughing)
Caller: -- could come down the street in a big open sleigh like downtown Macy's, because you know how much they love Macy's. Go right down to Wall Street chucking out all these "You Owe Me Elmos" and --
Rush: (laughing)
Caller: -- and everything. What do you think?
Rush: I love it.
Caller: (laughing)
Rush: I absolutely love it! Play off of Toys for Tots. You know, I first became aware of Toys for Tots when I was working in Pittsburgh and the radio station had a joint thing going with the Pittsburgh Penguins at the time, and we'd go into shopping malls late in the afternoon to stay with the Marines and the Toys for Tots and so forth. It was a hoot; it was fun. It's one of the most recent times I've been to a mall. It would be 19'73. I even did one with former Pittsburgh Steeler John "Frenchy" Fuqua, number 33. The guy showed up with goldfish in the heels of his shoes. John "Frenchy" Fuqua. Yeah, he's a great guy, and Pittsburgh people will no doubt remember him and the goldfish in the heels of the shoes, and now Two If By Tea associated with Marines. "Toys for Snots," a giant sleigh at Occupy, Toys for Snots? (laughing) Ah, that's one of those things I wish I had thought of myself. But the problem is, somebody has to tell the Toys for Snots snots that there's no Santa. Who gets that job?
End transcript
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