They Will Never Do That! … Or Will They Never? | Eastern North Carolina Now

   
A version of this Foolishness...Or Is It was originally posted in April 2010. You should not take too much solace in the fact that most of what it forewarned us about has yet to come to pass. Remember "not yet happened" is not the same as "never will happen" or, worse yet, "I can't believe what just happened!"

    Don't ever say, "They will never do that". Just by the fact that you made this statement you dramatically increase the chances that they will do that dirty deed. Somehow they know what we are thinking and they use our thought vibrations to formulate their future courses of action.

    Want a few examples from the Airline Industry? ...
     They would never stop serving food on their flights.
     They would never charge for checking your baggage.
     They would never charge for carry-on baggage.

    Regarding the above last bullet point...If you did not read the same article I read on April 19, 2010, you are unaware that one airline has started charging $45 for Carry-On Baggage. Other airlines are saying that they are not going to follow suit ... Or will they?

    The Airline's spokesman defends the new $45 Charge for Carry-On Baggage by saying that the airline is lowering their Regular Airline Fares by about the same amount ... Or will they? (Do you remember Maxwell Smart? When he was trying to put one over on someone he used to say, "Would you believe?") Does it not fell like the Airline just said to us, "Would you believe we are going to lower our Regular Airline Fares by $45?"

    This pricing head fake opens up a whole host of opportunities for increased revenue for our "Struggling" Airline Industry...
     Turnstiles...The airlines are going to install turnstiles at the head of the gangway that must be fed money before passengers are allowed to walk down the gangway to their planes...
    o The airlines will defend this by telling us that we are not required to put money into the turnstiles but, if we don't, we will have to wait for the next flight.
    o We will be told that on that later flight we will be allowed to jump over the turnstiles for free.
    o If we are not physically able to jump over the turnstiles, we will have to feed in the money (so might as well feed the money now and avoid the wait). The airlines will say this payment is proper since it is not their fault that you can't jump high.

     Green Jell-O...The airlines are going to place Green Jell-O on each seat cushion before the boarding passengers arrive at their seats...
    o Passengers will be told by the flight attendants that there is a Green Jell-O Removal Fee that must be paid if they want the green stuff removed before they sit down.
    o It will be explained that they are perfectly free to not pay the fee and sit on their green seat softener which has been placed on their seats courtesy of the airline.
    o If they have a severe aversion to Green, Blue Jell-O may be substituted but that will require a Color Substitution Surcharge.

     Wheel Chairs...Wheel Chairs will require a very steep Handicap Inconvenience to the Airline Charge. If the passengers object, there is an alternative that the Airline has gone to great lengths to make available...
    o Passengers will be allowed to lie on the floor and travelling companions will be allowed roll them to, from and through the terminal for a fee that will be significantly lower than the Handicap Inconvenience to the Airline Charge.
    o The charge for flight attendants to roll the passengers will be out of sight and, frankly, the airline is secretly hoping not many passengers choose this option for fear that the passengers may come away from their flying experience with a bad taste in their mouths for the airline.

     Liquid Refreshments...Liquid Refreshments will be free to passenger, within the following parameters...
    o There will be a Liquid Bottle Cap Removal Charge.
    o Hard Liquor will incur a higher Liquid Bottle Cap Removal Charge than will a Mountain Dew.

    Did you really think I was going to finish this Blog Posting without bringing in our Once Beloved Federal Government? How silly of you. You should know by now that talking about Foolishness without mentioning Federal Government Involvement is against Federal Law.

    Strange as it may seem our Rulers want "credit" for what they do to us.

    I Did Not Make This One Up ... It appears that six Senators are proposing legislation that would levy a Revenue Enhancement (tax) on the airlines each time they charge a fee for Carry-On Baggage.

    These guys are sharp and they know that any Revenue Enhancement (tax) that they enact against any business in the Good Ole USofA is never passed on to their customers ... Or is it?

    Would I kid u?
    Smartfella

    Lagniappe: Some of you are not worried in the least about all what I pecked out above because you think I made it all up. Others are nervous because they are not quite sure whether I am kidding or not.
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