GrandmaNearYou.com | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: Alex J. Ortolano is a former U.S. Army Medical Evacuation Helicopter Pilot in Vietnam and now a patient observer of life.

    We are pleased to announce that you will be able to find Alex here at BCN or at his blogspot here.

    If you are one to quickly know a financially sound opportunity when you see it, you will be writing a check even before you get to the end of this Foolishness...Or Is It.

    Back when my Mother used to visit us for various holidays we flew her to wherever we were living at that time...Los Angeles or Detroit or Milwaukee or Detroit (again) or Atlanta or Los Angeles (again) or Atlanta (again).

    My family was always excited to see her, especially since she was sure to be carrying 5 pounds of Cousin George's Italian Sausage and several jars of Ma Brown Kosher Dill Pickles (I have never found them outside of New Orleans).

    One visit, as my family and I sat waiting in an airport for her to deplane, I watched all the Grandmas from all over the United States who had flown in for the holiday. The idea for this Sure Fire Money Making New Venture hit me like a thunderbolt!

    Why not use the computer technology that we have now developed to locate a Grandma that is closer to the where your family lives and bring this, more conveniently located, Grandma over for the holiday? The family whose Grandma you "took" could do the same with a Grandma in their own neighborhood. The computer data bank of available Grandmas could do the locating and arrange for the pickups and drop offs, etc.
"Josie Marino Ortolano was one fine lady. Pictured here at 100 years old. Lived to be 103 years & 3 days old." - Her Godchild, SmartfellaO
    In making this suggestion, I am not being heartless because the Grandma that you had been intending to fly in, at great expense, would likely just have to go a few blocks to her new Holiday Family. On your end you would save a bundle in airfare. (As we roll out this idea, we will surely face strong opposition in Washington, D.C. from the evil paid lobbyists of the Airline Industry.)

    The further benefits for the Stay At Home Grandmas are too numerous to list in their entirety but here is a few of the obvious ones:

         •  Would not have to pack and unpack her suitcases.

         •  Would not have to stop the newspaper.

         •  Would not have to stop the mail.

         •  Would not have to put the dog or cat in a kennel.

         •  Would not have to get herself to the airport.

         •  Would not have to suffer the humiliation of being frisked (while that guy with the two foot long beard wearing a robe walked right by her).

         •  Would not have to have to take off her shoes during the frisking process.

         •  Would not have to sit in a cramped airplane for hours.

         •  Would not have to eat airline snacks (they used to get actual food that they would not have had to eat).

         •  Would not have to be endangered by terrorists.

         •  Would not have to sleep on an unfamiliar bed and pillow while visiting.

         •  Would not have to fly back home and again be exposed to all the above airline persecutions.

    Heaven knows that a lot of American Males would jump at the opportunity to have a different Mother-In-Law.

    Variety could also be added to your life because your new Grandma quite possibly would introduce your family to her own special cooking talents.

    Computer technology would make this a Win-Win Proposition for all involved by allowing you to tailor make your conveniently located grandma. The form where you applied for your substitute Grandma would allow you to fine tune your replacement Grandma...

    You would be able to pick from one of the following:

         •  Black hair

         •  Brown hair

         •  Red hair

         •  Grey hair

         •  Blue hair

    You would be able to specify a cooking specialty:

         •  Italian

         •  Mexican

         •  German

         •  Chinese

    You would be able to select a nationality:

         •  Anything but French

    The full potential of this brilliant (if I do say so myself) idea is boundless! This may be your last chance to become one of the Filthy Rich.

    Become a Charter Owner of GrandmasNearYou.com today! Don't let this opportunity pass you by! Send your check to:

GrandmaNearYou.com
c/o The Smartfella?
What A Deal, GA 30099
    Dig deep. The bigger your check the larger will be your percentage of ownership permitting you to become filthy sooner than your fellow investors.

    Would I kid u?

    Smartfella

      Foolishness...Or Is It? ... Where Silliness & Common Sense come together to make Funny.