The Bobby Tony Theory of Evolution = Humor ??? | Eastern North Carolina Now

   The Bobby Tony Theory of Evolution

   I am required to Tag these articles as "HUMOR" because I have been told that not everyone gets my sense of humor. I used to use the clown face but it drastically reduced views because my 15 minutes elapsed long ago.

   I am not trying to be provocative by offering my version of the age old debate between creation and evolution. I am only basing my theory on the observation of an aging Homo sapien. 

   It first started with the rough hands, which I thought was from doing too much typing.  I found out the hard way that it is almost impossible to type with your hands coated with Vaseline.  When I type, I use all twelve fingers because ten will not keep up with my ongoing though flow.

   The next clue that I was evolving was a distinct dryness of my feet.  I knew from experience that it was not Athlete's foot, because you can't get that from typing with your hands.  Many years ago, I had a bout with 'Trench Foot' which we GI's incorrectly called 'Jungle Rot'. Walking around in rice paddies for days at a time can cause problems if you don't let your feet dry out from time to time.  That is why I now change my socks every week even thought I no longer make "Rice Wine" with my feet.

   I won't go into the subject of  Σοξκ Ιτξη" or " Ξροτξη Ροτ", but you may have a suspicion about that subject.

   I have also noticed a distinct dryness when I shave.  My face seems to be developing "Peaks and Valleys" which some people call Shaving rash.  I solved that problem by reallocating my shaving routine to once a week along with the sock change mentioned above.  It seems to help.

   Lately, I have noticed that my elbows are dry and my legs seem to be scaling more than they use to. Well, it did not take me long to form my theory of evolution from all these indicators.

   I am evolving in to a reptile.

   My local CVS pharmacy offered some suggestions that I tried. I think she (You've come a long way Baby) had been trained in dealing with people like me.

   On the other and it could be a conspiracy of the various cosmetic, drug and chemical companies. Upon further investigation I looked at the ingredients of each of these. They all contain Alcohol and Petroleum, so it could be a conspiracy between the "BIG OIL" and "BIG BOOZE" and "BIG Pharma" companies. If that it the case it is worse than I thought.

   I am Devolving in to a LIBERAL.

   Don't worry it is not contagious, DRY SKIN is an acquired Age Sufficiency Syndrome (ASS) that is caused by the hardening of the attitudes and a decided tendency to be a smart A$$.  I am told it is cured by "Embalming Fluid".

   I guess I should have put this warning at the front of the article.

"Sorry Charley or is it Charlie"