At Least One of my Dear Readers Wants to be Me, But, Since Only I Can be Me, he has Asked Me to Say What he Would Say if he Were Me and Not he | Eastern NC Now

    This Blog Posting is the result of a recommendation that was sent to me by one of my Dear Readers. He appeared to have a valid point. So I looked into the validity of his valid point and henceforth ("henceforth" is Senate Talk) I pecking out this Silliness about the Everyday Foolishness in the U.S. Senate.

    Here is what was sent to me by Dear Reader...

    "The problem with passing legislation is not in the Constitution. All day every day I keep hearing why this or that cannot be done in the Congress. They all have the same reasons... SENATE RULES WILL NOT ALLOW."

    He is right. Often we do hear there is no need to go to the Senate with this or that because the Rules of the Senate Will Not Allow or the Rules of the Senate Make This or That Impossible.

    I researched Standing Rules of the United States Senate and Mr. Wikipedia tells me that there are 44 Standing Rules at the present time. After reading through a bunch of them my logical mind tells me that these 44 Rules are extremely confusing but the Senate likes them that way.

    I will go out on a limb here and say that it is quite possible that often times when there is a discussion about whether or not to bring up for deliberation something or other on the floor of the Senate and the Standing Rules of the United States Senate are consulted for guidance and the person who is designated to consult the Standing Rules becomes so confused after consulting the Standing Rules that he nixes the whole idea by simply saying "The Rules of the Senate Will Not Allow" because he could not understand what he read, so he coped out by saying Will Not Allow and that shuts everyone up and they are really delighted about being shut up because they can now just go straight to Happy Hour.

    Yes, I know the prior sentence is too long but I bet many members of the Senate would not allow it to be recorded in the Congressional Record because it is too short.

    Here are four excerpts out of the Standing Rules of the United States Senate. Do not be discouraged if you can't understand what you are about to read. You are not supposed to be able to understandable what you are about to read. If they wanted you to understand what you are about to read they would not have written the Standing Rules of the United States Senate.

    First:
    "The Constitution provides that a majority of the Senate constitutes a quorum to do business. Under the rules and customs of the Senate, a quorum is always assumed to be present unless a quorum call explicitly demonstrates otherwise. Any senator may request a quorum call by "suggesting the absence of a quorum"; a clerk then calls the roll of the Senate and notes which members are present. In practice, senators almost always request quorum calls not to establish the presence of a quorum, but to temporarily delay proceedings without having to adjourn the session. Such a delay may serve one of many purposes; often, it allows Senate leaders to negotiate compromises off the floor or to allow Senators time to come to the Senate floor to make speeches without having to constantly be present in the chamber while waiting for the opportunity. Once the need for a delay has ended, any senator may request unanimous consent to rescind the quorum call."
    (Note: Senators only are present when they are the Senator that is speaking. If they were present when others are speaking, they might change their minds about what they heard spoken by another Senator while they were waiting to say what they wanted to say. Changing your mind after hearing what another Senator has spoken is unconscionable in the Senate.)

    Second:
    "There are very few restrictions on the content of speeches; there is no requirement that speeches be germane to the matter before the Senate."
    (Note: There is no requirement to speak about what is being spoken about. If one spoke in response to what had been spoken by another Senator that would indicate that they had been paying attention to what the other Senator had said and paying attention to what is said in the Senate is frowned upon.)

    Third:
    "Any motion under this paragraph may specify the portion or portions of proposed legislation to be considered by the committees, or any of them, to which such proposed legislation is referred, and such committees or committee shall be limited, in the consideration of such proposed legislation, to the portion or portions so specified."
    (Note: Huh?)

    Last:

    "Whenever any committee (except the Committee on Appropriations) has reported any measure, by action taken in conformity with the requirements of paragraph 7 of rule XXVI, no point of order shall lie with respect to that measure on the ground that hearings upon that measure by the committee were not conducted in accordance with the provisions of paragraph 4 of rule XXVI."
    (Note: If you are not confused enough after reading this, you must now go to two other rules which will ensure that you remain confused right up until Happy Hour starts.)
    ------------------------
    Have you ever heard of a BuzzPhrase Generator? I have one. I have always thought that I was one of the few that had such a thing but it appears that the U.S. Senate knows of which I speak. ("Of which I speak"...I'm beginning to talk like the Senate.)

    Using my BuzzPhrase Generator I have come up with a single paragraph for possible inclusion in the Congressional Record. Members of the Senate will not be able to understand what the heck I am talking about either but they will be comfortable with such words and they will be very supportive of my right to have this Foolishness included into the Congressional Record because the Congressional Record is full of paragraphs like this...

    "We do understand your need to do a total linguistic time phase, however, we are in a serious parallel strategic bind which results in our having need for a compatible organizational mobility analysis. We cannot continue to vacillate on the precipice of an optional monitored concept unless we see some relief in the foreseeable future."

    Would I kid u?
    Smartfella