When Flying ... Never Assume Anything ... Even Your Safe Passage by Saint Peter | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's Note: Long time friend, and infrequent contributor to BCN, Spencer Aycock has sent me two new jokes that he found humorous that are funny enough for our readership. Spencer, who I have know since about 1979, has an unusual, but infectious sense of humor, almost constant in application in almost all social situations.

    When we and I lived in Raleigh /Cary, we would get together on Saturday nights, with our fun loving wives, listen to music, dance, and then watch Second City TV, which came on before Saturday Night Live (back when SNL was actually funny). Second City, when SNL was in was at or near its peak, was firm competition in humor. I share with you now this video of John Candy and Joe Flaherty of Second City with a very young Martin Short as "Tootsie"; a video that would send Spencer into laughing fits along with his howling wife, Carolyn. Lynn and I would nearly but-a-gut laughing at them laughing at these skits about 'blowing up', and we still do chuckle when we think about them, and ... of course, the 'blowing up real good'.

    Spencer and Carolyn are two very real, unpretentious folks who are still great company when we get together.

Saint Peter is on the Job

    Saint Peter is seeing all of the new arrivals trying to go through the pearly gates in Heaven.

    The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one.

    "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too.

    I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.

    I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips.

    I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.

    On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.

    At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died." Saint Peter thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room.

    The second applicant said that his last day was his worst...."I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building.

    I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot.

    I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest."

    Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room.

    Saint Peter is still chuckling when his third customer of the day enters.

    He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you."

    "I don't know" replies the man. "Picture this, I'm naked, hiding in this cedar chest....."

Always Ask, Never Assume!

    His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

    He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

    Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

    He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

    The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

    Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

    'Why?' asked the pilot.

    'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

    The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'