Top 10 Outdated Family Traditions And What You Can Replace Them With | Eastern North Carolina Now | Are you and your backward family still following those outdated family traditions? It's time to drop those archaic and meaningless activities for some family traditions that actually matter!

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Are you and your backward family still following those outdated family traditions? It's time to drop those archaic and meaningless activities for some family traditions that actually matter!

    So get with the times and check out these superior modern replacements!

    Old: Thanking God for providing this meal

    New: Thanking government for providing this meal

    Old: Taking kids to an art museum

    New: Gluing kids to the wall in an art museum to protest climate change

    Old: Going to church

    New: Going to family-friendly Drag shows

    Old: Carving the turkey on Thanksgiving

    New: Carving the crickets

    Old: Handing over the keys to his first car

    New: Handing over his government-issued public transportation card

    Old: Playing out in the mud

    New: Vaccinating your infant 70+ times and hoping for the best

    Old: Telling your kids not to smoke

    New: Begging them to smoke so they don't vape

    Old: Watching Lord of the Rings

    New: Watching Rings of Power

    Old: Teaching your kids they can be anything

    New: Teaching your kids they are mentally ill victims

    Old: Bedtime stories

    New: Oh no! You don't even have kids!

    Well, now you know. Don't be a knuckle-dragger and get out there and embrace modernity!
Go Back

Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )

CDC Announces New Initiative To Promote Homeschooling Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Man Really Struggling To Make Coffee As He Hasn't Had His Morning Coffee Yet


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Elon Musk is the chief executive of Tesla and SpaceX, as well as the leader of several smaller pet projects, such as Neuralink and The Boring Company. Following his acquisition of Twitter, one of the world’s largest social media platforms, the multibillionaire gave the world a view into just how bus
As part of a new pledge to "quiet down" the company's aggressive push for progressive themes in its content, returning Disney CEO Bob Iger has revealed the entertainment giant will cut back to including only seven LGTB characters in each children's movie.
The case of defunct cryptocurrency exchange FTX and now-broke multibillionaire founder Sam Bankman-Fried is among the most intriguing stories of alleged financial crime in decades, rivaling the heists executed by financier Bernie Madoff and startup darling Elizabeth Holmes.
Third-quarter finance reports dropped Tuesday, November 2nd, and with them came insight into one of North Carolina’s biggest questions for election day, will Republicans regain supermajorities in the state legislature?
Bill Maher, host of HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher,” defended Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (R) against attacks he has faced from media and a Democrat politician who criticized DeSantis on the show’s most recent broadcast.
Amid a storm of controversy over recent antisemitic comments and remarks praising Hitler, Ye West has announced the release of his brand-new album My Struggle.
A number of entertainment conglomerates and media companies are announcing layoffs as the macroeconomy continues to impact several industries.
The White House geared up for the Thanksgiving holiday by sharing a list of talking points for people to reference if the happened to find themselves talking to “that uncle” during a family gathering.


Country music legend Dolly Parton has received a $100 million award from Amazon founder Jeff Bezos.
Over the past few weeks, Ben Shapiro has created video responses to Kanye "Ye" West's anti-semitic statements, causing West to direct tweets at the conservative commentator.
A Pennsylvania man was sentenced to over 17 years in prison followed by a lifetime of supervised release for his involvement in a plot to bomb a Pittsburgh church.
Netflix is planning to try out live programming in early 2023 with a new stand-up comedy special from comedian Chris Rock.
Chad Pullman, 39, slipped into a deep depression Monday after finishing off the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers. Doctors say he has been unable to leave his bedroom for two days.
Americans expected to pay more for Thanksgiving turkey this year than ever before, but residents of some states are experiencing far higher prices than their counterparts in others as inflation continues to impact the economy.
China’s oppressive COVID lockdown measures continue to fuel protests as news of President Xi Jinping‘s extreme approach shocks the world.


Back to Top