Top 10 Outdated Family Traditions And What You Can Replace Them With | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Are you and your backward family still following those outdated family traditions? It's time to drop those archaic and meaningless activities for some family traditions that actually matter!

    So get with the times and check out these superior modern replacements!

    Old: Thanking God for providing this meal

    New: Thanking government for providing this meal

    Old: Taking kids to an art museum

    New: Gluing kids to the wall in an art museum to protest climate change

    Old: Going to church

    New: Going to family-friendly Drag shows

    Old: Carving the turkey on Thanksgiving

    New: Carving the crickets

    Old: Handing over the keys to his first car

    New: Handing over his government-issued public transportation card

    Old: Playing out in the mud

    New: Vaccinating your infant 70+ times and hoping for the best

    Old: Telling your kids not to smoke

    New: Begging them to smoke so they don't vape

    Old: Watching Lord of the Rings

    New: Watching Rings of Power

    Old: Teaching your kids they can be anything

    New: Teaching your kids they are mentally ill victims

    Old: Bedtime stories

    New: Oh no! You don't even have kids!

    Well, now you know. Don't be a knuckle-dragger and get out there and embrace modernity!