More By Babylon Bee | Eastern North Carolina Now

Babylon Bee's Entries

After suffering a record-tying 28th straight loss, basketball fans across the country and the other 29 NBA teams voted unanimously to demote the Detroit Pistons to the WNBA.
After suffering a record-tying 28th straight loss, basketball fans across the country and the other 29 NBA teams voted unanimously to demote the Detroit Pistons to the WNBA.
 
A local wife began training to join her regional women's hockey team when she discovered the grand prize for winners of the National Hockey League is a Stanley Cup.
A local wife began training to join her regional women's hockey team when she discovered the grand prize for winners of the National Hockey League is a Stanley Cup.
 
Embattled former New York Congressman George Santos has landed on his feet following his ouster from the U.S. House of Representatives, with the announcement that he has been hired as a fact-checker at The New York Times.
Embattled former New York Congressman George Santos has landed on his feet following his ouster from the U.S. House of Representatives, with the announcement that he has been hired as a fact-checker at The New York Times.
 
With news of still more lewd U.S. Congress incidents circulating, a local man reported a mysterious encounter he had in which God agreed to spare the nation's capital from divine destruction if He finds just 10 congressional staffers who have not filmed a gay sex tape in the Capit
With news of still more lewd U.S. Congress incidents circulating, a local man reported a mysterious encounter he had in which God agreed to spare the nation's capital from divine destruction if He finds just 10 congressional staffers who have not filmed a gay sex tape in the Capit
 
In a worldwide exclusive, The Babylon Bee has obtained a complete copy of disgraced billionaire Jeffrey Epstein's client list.
In a worldwide exclusive, The Babylon Bee has obtained a complete copy of disgraced billionaire Jeffrey Epstein's client list.
 
A local man observed a peculiar late-night ritual this week, as his wife successfully put all of the children to bed, tidied up the kitchen early, and went upstairs to relax after a stressful day by settling into a hot bubble bath
A local man observed a peculiar late-night ritual this week, as his wife successfully put all of the children to bed, tidied up the kitchen early, and went upstairs to relax after a stressful day by settling into a hot bubble bath
 
The New York Times has sounded the alarm, issuing a dire warning to the nation: involved and loving cartoon dads could be the catalyst for an epidemic of involved and loving dads in real life.
The New York Times has sounded the alarm, issuing a dire warning to the nation: involved and loving cartoon dads could be the catalyst for an epidemic of involved and loving dads in real life.
 
In a stunning act of humility, retired wrestler and two-time WWE Hall of Fame inductee Hulk Hogan went forward during the altar call at Indian Rocks Baptist Church to be baptized
In a stunning act of humility, retired wrestler and two-time WWE Hall of Fame inductee Hulk Hogan went forward during the altar call at Indian Rocks Baptist Church to be baptized
 
Although the public has long suspected visitors of the infamous "Epstein Island" were a veritable who's-who of high-ranking public officials and Hollywood celebrities, newly released court documents show that convicted human trafficker Jeffrey Epstein had just one client: a black bar.
Although the public has long suspected visitors of the infamous "Epstein Island" were a veritable who's-who of high-ranking public officials and Hollywood celebrities, newly released court documents show that convicted human trafficker Jeffrey Epstein had just one client: a black bar.
 
Local forty-year-old man Jim Nathanson is still trying to come to grips with the tragic reality that he never had the chance to be on the kids' game show Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?.
Local forty-year-old man Jim Nathanson is still trying to come to grips with the tragic reality that he never had the chance to be on the kids' game show Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?.
 
Thanks to a study that went viral on social media, the world learned this past week about 'menu anxiety' - which is apparently the fear of having to order food off a menu.
Thanks to a study that went viral on social media, the world learned this past week about 'menu anxiety' - which is apparently the fear of having to order food off a menu.
 
Many people seem to not know this, but there are some really wonderful things about babies, and all you have to do is keep them alive to find out for yourself.
Many people seem to not know this, but there are some really wonderful things about babies, and all you have to do is keep them alive to find out for yourself.
 
After a lengthy process to determine a new flag, the state of Minnesota unveiled its new official design, featuring a Muslim star and an inscription reading "From the River to the Sea, Dontcha Know."
After a lengthy process to determine a new flag, the state of Minnesota unveiled its new official design, featuring a Muslim star and an inscription reading "From the River to the Sea, Dontcha Know."
 
The most popular show on Netflix for young children, CoComelon made a huge splash today releasing a new song about little boys putting on dresses to dance for grown men.
The most popular show on Netflix for young children, CoComelon made a huge splash today releasing a new song about little boys putting on dresses to dance for grown men.
 
In a 4-3 decision, the Colorado Supreme Court will require Masterpiece Cakeshop owner Jack Phillips must bake a celebration cake honoring the Colorado Supreme Court's decision to remove Trump from the ballot.
In a 4-3 decision, the Colorado Supreme Court will require Masterpiece Cakeshop owner Jack Phillips must bake a celebration cake honoring the Colorado Supreme Court's decision to remove Trump from the ballot.
 
Popular Netflix children's show CoComelon released a powerful new episode teaching that four-year-old boys should put on dresses to dance for grown men while they take pictures.
Popular Netflix children's show CoComelon released a powerful new episode teaching that four-year-old boys should put on dresses to dance for grown men while they take pictures.
 
In a heroic effort to save American Democracy, the Colorado Supreme Court Has voted to prevent residents of Colorado from voting for their preferred candidate.
In a heroic effort to save American Democracy, the Colorado Supreme Court Has voted to prevent residents of Colorado from voting for their preferred candidate.
 
Gone are the days when you could just ship your kids off to the public school system every day and trust them to come out still sane and reasonably educated. But what are the alternatives?
Gone are the days when you could just ship your kids off to the public school system every day and trust them to come out still sane and reasonably educated. But what are the alternatives?
 
A deceased woman's most heartfelt wishes were finally realized this week, as a local family beautifully memorialized their beloved Aunt Millie by placing a decal bearing her name in the window of their Chrysler PT Cruiser.
A deceased woman's most heartfelt wishes were finally realized this week, as a local family beautifully memorialized their beloved Aunt Millie by placing a decal bearing her name in the window of their Chrysler PT Cruiser.
 
ATHENS, GA — Following the murder of a Georgia college student at the hands of an illegal immigrant, police issued a statement warning women to avoid jogging within 2,000 miles of an open border, particularly the southern border the U.S. shares with Mexico.
ATHENS, GA — Following the murder of a Georgia college student at the hands of an illegal immigrant, police issued a statement warning women to avoid jogging within 2,000 miles of an open border, particularly the southern border the U.S. shares with Mexico.
 
The former chairwoman of the Republican National Committee will not remain unemployed for long following her resignation, as Ronna McDaniel has been hired at the Democratic National Committee due to her extensive experience in defeating Republicans.
The former chairwoman of the Republican National Committee will not remain unemployed for long following her resignation, as Ronna McDaniel has been hired at the Democratic National Committee due to her extensive experience in defeating Republicans.
 
An offshoot of the popular Chick-fil-A restaurant has been opened by Seventh-Day Adventist Church members and will reportedly be closed on Saturdays, but open on Sundays.
An offshoot of the popular Chick-fil-A restaurant has been opened by Seventh-Day Adventist Church members and will reportedly be closed on Saturdays, but open on Sundays.
 
To clarify previous remarks on the nature of priestly blessings and same-sex couples, the see of Peter formally announced all such blessings are only appropriate if the priest ends the blessing by quickly adding, "No homo."
To clarify previous remarks on the nature of priestly blessings and same-sex couples, the see of Peter formally announced all such blessings are only appropriate if the priest ends the blessing by quickly adding, "No homo."
 
WASHINGTON, DC — In a major win for body positivity, the Center for Disease Control released a new scale this week to help doctors inform slightly larger patients they're doing great and definitely won't die young from any sort of coronary episode.
WASHINGTON, DC — In a major win for body positivity, the Center for Disease Control released a new scale this week to help doctors inform slightly larger patients they're doing great and definitely won't die young from any sort of coronary episode.
 
PENSACOLA, FL — As controversy continues to swirl following Pope Francis's pronouncement that Catholic priests are free to bless people who are in same-sex relationships, a local protestant man slept soundly
PENSACOLA, FL — As controversy continues to swirl following Pope Francis's pronouncement that Catholic priests are free to bless people who are in same-sex relationships, a local protestant man slept soundly
 
A local man declared himself free of any need to belong to a local church, relying instead on the fact that he studies the Bible for himself, clearly indicating he has never studied the Bible for himself.
A local man declared himself free of any need to belong to a local church, relying instead on the fact that he studies the Bible for himself, clearly indicating he has never studied the Bible for himself.
 
After the discovery of a sprawling network of underground terror tunnels used by Hamas, it was announced that the IDF was preparing to flood the tunnels and then use comically oversized wooden mallets to whack Hamas terrorists on their heads as they popped out of the openings
After the discovery of a sprawling network of underground terror tunnels used by Hamas, it was announced that the IDF was preparing to flood the tunnels and then use comically oversized wooden mallets to whack Hamas terrorists on their heads as they popped out of the openings
 
In a crushing blow to the plans of the Evil One, the Jones family made it to church this past Sunday.
In a crushing blow to the plans of the Evil One, the Jones family made it to church this past Sunday.
 
Presiding over any one of the country's most prestigious institutes of higher learning can be a challenging task.
Presiding over any one of the country's most prestigious institutes of higher learning can be a challenging task.
 
Local couple Marty and Shelly Cross have been officially charged with fraud after listing their home for $499,000 when it ultimately sold for slightly less.
Local couple Marty and Shelly Cross have been officially charged with fraud after listing their home for $499,000 when it ultimately sold for slightly less.
 
With his approval hovering near record lows, President Biden made a trip to the Southern Border today and promised to begin pretending to care about it.
With his approval hovering near record lows, President Biden made a trip to the Southern Border today and promised to begin pretending to care about it.
 
t's finally happening. Local man Dylan Mido's entire life has reportedly been leading up to this very moment when his kid finally asks him for help beating the Water Temple in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
t's finally happening. Local man Dylan Mido's entire life has reportedly been leading up to this very moment when his kid finally asks him for help beating the Water Temple in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
 
You're not gonna believe this. Check out this list of radical Christian nationalists who believe inalienable human rights are endowed on them by some sort of higher power, a Creator, or something like that, and not by the federal government.
You're not gonna believe this. Check out this list of radical Christian nationalists who believe inalienable human rights are endowed on them by some sort of higher power, a Creator, or something like that, and not by the federal government.
 
Trump gained another 12 points in the polls today after he announced that his first act as President would be to legalize hitting bicyclists with your car.
Trump gained another 12 points in the polls today after he announced that his first act as President would be to legalize hitting bicyclists with your car.
 
Newer     Older »     

HbAD0

 
Back to Top