Democrats Vs. Republicans: Where They Stand On Every Issue | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Not sure how to vote in the vote? Become an informed voter quickly and easily with this in-depth Election Day Study Guide! We tell you exactly where the major parties stand on the key issues.

    Climate Change

    Democrats: If you don't pay us more taxes, the planet will explode in a ball of fire and you will watch your dreams turn to ash.

    Republicans: It's cold outside, so there's no climate change.

    Inflation

    Democrats: Inflation is simultaneously not Biden's fault and not actually happening and also it's actually good for you.

    Republicans: More like Bidenflation, am I right?

    Killing Babies

    Democrats: Pro.

    Republicans: Anti, unless you get your mistress pregnant.

    Taxation

    Democrats: Tax and spend.

    Republicans: Cut taxes and spend.

    Drag Queens in Schools

    Democrats: For drag queens performing for kindergarteners as often as possible.

    Republicans: Wait - WHAT???

    Ukraine

    Democrats: Send billions to Ukraine.

    Republicans: Samesies.

    Balance of Power

    Democrats: All of America should be ruled by Harvard graduates who live in Manhattan.

    Republicans: ALL HAIL GOD EMPEROR TRUMP!

    Education

    Democrats: We must groom every child until everyone is gay or trans.

    Republicans: GET YOUR KIDS OUT OF PUBLIC SCHOOLS!

    Gas Prices

    Democrats: You should've bought an electric car.

    Republicans: Everyone should have an oil rig in their backyard.

    Nuclear War

    Democrats: For.

    Republicans: Against, because they hate democracy or something.

    Pronunciation of "gif"

    Republicans: Hard "g."

    Democrats: You are a racist.

    Ushering in the downfall of Western Civilization

    Democrats: PRO.

    Republicans: Also PRO, but slower.