Public School Libraries: Then Vs. Now | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Libraries are a beacon of knowledge and intellectual pursuit in a civilized society. Or at least they used to be - libraries have changed a lot.

    Let's take a look at some of the biggest changes in libraries over the years...

    Then: Sweet old lady librarian.

    Now: Sweet old lady librarian with a beard named Jeff.

    Then: Children checked out books.

    Now: Groomer librarian checks out children.

    Then: You could find any book with the Dewey Decimal System.

    Now: Same but all the books are gay.

    Then: Greek architecture supported by load-bearing pillars.

    Now: Load-bearing stripper poles.

    Then: Kids said, "Books are gay" because they hated reading.

    Now: Kids say, "Books are gay" because the books are gay.

    Then: Apple IIe with Oregon Trail. Oops! You have died of dysentery.

    Now: Same Apple IIe, but with gay porn.

    Then: There were 9 planets, as you could learn from any of the astronomy books.

    Now: There are still 9 planets, but all the dumb books say there are only 8 for some dumb reason.

    Then: Newspapers were stored on microfiche.

    Now: Newspapers are stored online. Dang, microfiche was pretty cool too. It made you feel like a spy when researching old newspaper editions. And what are you supposed to do if you need to look up the history of your potentially haunted house now? Not search through hundreds of newspaper issues for the one relevant article detailing a murder that happened on your property a hundred years ago? That's dumb.

    Then: Mark Twain was a recommended author.

    Now: Mark Twain is a recommended author to burn in effigy.

    Then: Large section of history books.

    Now: There is no history, only an endless present in which the Party is always right.

    This is by no means an exhaustive list. If one were to fully chronicle the changes in libraries it would fill volumes. Who has time for that?