What Type of Parent Are You? | Eastern North Carolina Now

    I found that in general, as children get older there is less parent-child physical contact. When children are between infancy and preschool the parent will hold the child’s hand, carry them, or at least keep a hand on the child and will guide/ lead them. I came across a few specific examples of child-parent interaction between different age groups as well as different parenting styles. The cases involved a pre-school child and an adolescent who both had authoritative parents; and elementary children one with a permissive parent and another with an authoritarian parent. The interactions between child and parent in each case were quite different and the child’s behavior reflected greatly on the style of parenting they were subjected to.

    The first interaction I encountered was a pre-school aged boy and his father that were leaving the food court in the Colonial Mall of Greenville on a Saturday afternoon. When they were heading towards the door, the boy had stopped and was beginning to play on the stairs. As the boy was playing the father simply gestured towards his son and said in a calm and slightly stern tone “Come on buddy” and the boy immediately went to him. The father didn’t talk down to his son, rather talked to him as if they were equals. There was no need for any physical contact, even after the boy came to his father, the father still didn’t need to hold his hand for him to behave and to follow him. Even after being told what to do, the boy was still smiling and was quite happy and content. Overall, I found the whole tone of the interaction to be positive since there was no yelling or any negative sort of conversation. By the father not having to repeat himself, get angry, or let his son go wild he was demonstrating an authoritative style of parenting. The father gave a command knowing that he would be obeyed, which shows that he has instilled in his child limits, respect, and enforces his rules. Also, the child-parent relationship seemed healthy and did not appear strained at all and the child seemed to be socially competent; which also enforces the belief that there was authoritative parent styling involved. Seeing how responsive this pre-school boy was to authoritative styling, another case shows the results of authoritative parenting in an older child.

    On the same Saturday afternoon at a shoe store in the Greenville Colonial Mall there was an adolescent girl and her mother doing some shopping. While looking for some shoes the girl spotted a pair for a small child and shrieked with glee, exclaiming “These are so cute! If I had a little sister I would buy these for her, too bad … isn’t a girl. I might buy them for him anyway...” and she brought them to her mother to see. The mother and daughter were laughing and smiling as they conversed about the shoes and the highly unlikely situation of the boy’s father letting him wear the shoes. The mother would put her hand on her daughters back while they joked around while talking to her in a tone that gave a feeling of equality among them. There was a good parent-child relationship which led me to believe that the parent had used an authoritative style when raising her daughter. The girl was well behaved and interacted well with her mother. Generally the whole interaction gave an impression of a positive tone. It was interesting to see how well a child developed from being in an authoritative style household. This girl was well behaved, clean cut, and didn’t show any negative personality traits, which further supports the theory of her mother using an authoritative parent styling. It would be even more interesting to see how a child would develop with a permissive style parent.

    A boy in elementary school and his mother were in a hair salon one Friday afternoon; they were waiting for the boy’s sister to finish getting her hair cut. The boy was very hyper, jumping around, laughing, dancing, yelling, and trying to make people in the salon laugh. The child would say to his mom and everyone else “Am I making you laugh? Am I funny?” very loud. All the mother did was, in a tired tone; talking down to her son and say “That’s enough” over and over. The mother would only say this one phrase repeatedly while her son continued to jump and yell. She tried to hold/ control him every once in a while, but ultimately the boy just kept acting up. There was a negative tone during their confrontation. By the way the child paid no attention to his mother and was acting out, the mother obviously used permissive parent styling. Due to the fact that this young boy was exhibiting attention-seeking behavior, and out of control, it was obvious that he had been raised in a permissive style parenting household. By being exposed to permissive parenting, the child may have higher self-esteem, better social skills, and lower chances of depression than an authoritarian or authoritative household; however they have and incredible increased chance of having behavior problems as well as low performance in school. You could tell that she didn’t enforce any limits for the child by the way she couldn’t control her son. Also if she was authoritarian or authoritative, the child would be better behaved, adhere to his mother, and she would have to talk down to her son as well as only having to tell him to quit once. She doesn’t need to go to the extreme of being authoritarian; however she shouldn’t be an extremely permissive parent. Being permissive or authoritarian both have their disadvantages for the child as well as the child-parent relationship as they get older.

    At the children’s clothing store in the Greenville Colonial Mall, on the same Saturday afternoon as the previous two cases, there was an authoritarian mother, her elementary school aged daughter and a younger child in a stroller. The elementary aged girl was pushing her younger sibling as they entered the store. Her mother talked down to her and asked, in a tense tone, to “Slow down” and the daughter was smiling and slowed down slightly. Then the mother took control over the stroller, with no contact to the child, and the daughter let go and went to look at some clothes. The daughter’s amount of smiling noticeably decreased when she was no longer allowed to push her sibling; her relationship with her mother most likely didn’t improve either. The parent was visibly aggravated and told a friend that was with her that her child “… has been working my nerves!” and they continued in the store with the little girl. By talking down to her daughter, and then taking over when not immediately adhered to, the mother was exhibiting an authoritarian parent style. The tone of the conversation, especially from the mother, was to say the least negative. She didn’t have to yell at her daughter to give the impression that she was not very happy with her. This demanding style of parenting will surely have its adverse effects on the child as she continues to develop. By using authoritarian style parenting the child may develop low self-esteem, high levels of depression, and have poor social skills even though they may do well in school and not have behavior problems.

    It can be quite clear what style of parenting is used by how well or how badly a child behaves. Children of parents who use the permissive style parenting usually act out and seek attention. These modern parents are more lenient on their children, and don’t enforce many rules; which actually may cause their child to develop the opposite of what their intent was. Authoritarian parents also produce opposite effects in their children as well. The strict and overbearing authoritarian style firmly enforces many rules and these parents don’t allow their children to grow and experience things on their own. Their children will perform well academically but they may have several psychological issues as they get older. Out of the three main styles of parenting, authoritative is widely recognized as producing the best results in developing children. Authoritative parents enforce rules but they also allow their children to have their own “space” and experience life on their own. These children grow into well rounded and have good social skills along with doing well in school and not having behavioral problems. Some parent-child interactions I encountered involved two authoritarian parents with a pre-school child and an adolescent; and a permissive and authoritarian parent who each had elementary school aged children. The interactions between child and parent in each case could easily be associated with the child’s behavior and the parent styling.

http://www.familyresource.com/parenting/parent-education/what-parenting-style-is-best

http://www.athealth.com/Practitioner/ceduc/parentingstyles.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201001/the-language-parenting-legitimacy-parental-authority
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




How to Kick a Bad Habit Body & Soul, It's Personal Celebrating Independence Day Down East

HbAD0

 
Back to Top