The Piss Ant Club | Eastern North Carolina Now

    When we came to Rocky Mount in 1986 we were building a house. No sooner than we got in a bolt of lightning hit it and, fortunately, it was grounded well enough it did not catch fire! It was hit hard enough that I had several electronic devices immediately fried. I was told to go see John Taylor on Trevathan Street for the required insurance examination. That was the beginning of my best friendship in Rocky Mount.

    John was a whiz in electronics. He was down-to-earth and had a sense of humor that would not quit. Like me, he was a Baptist and when I went to pick up my stuff we had the best conversation I ever had. John told me he knew I was a Baptist preacher. In fact, he had belonged at one time to the very church I was doing an Interim for since my new Ministers Life Insurance practice left me free on weekends.

    He told me Preachers tend to come and go too quick in Rocky Mount and he had to make sure I was worth his time to become friends. He said, "I want you to answer a question for me. Then I will decide if I like you enough or not to become friends."

    Without hesitation he proceeded: "Tell me what you say if you hit your thumb with a hammer?" Don't try and fool me as have most other Preachers I have met. Be honest . . .
Gene Scarborough: Above.
    "Well, John," I said, "as a matter of fact, I worked my way through Emory being a Trim Carpenter and there were a few times I did just that! To tell you the truth I usually say 'four letter word'. If it really hurts, I will say more 'four letter words'!

    John smiled and said, "You passed the test! I am tired of Preachers who pretend they aren't human and you won't believe the excuses I have gotten through the years --- in fact, big fat lies and pretending out the wazoo! Let's go and have lunch if you can."

    That first lunch had the most interesting theme: "Which Club do you belong to?"

    John explained that Rocky Mount was composed of 2 basic clubs. One he called the Yuppie Bull"feathers" Club / the other was the Piss Ant Club. The YBS Club was those who drove big SUV's they could hardly afford to fuel. They lived in big houses in "certain places" which had little to no furniture as they tried to impress the people passing by. They also spent much money joining "certain country clubs and civic groups." If they missed a paycheck they would have to declare bankruptcy. Both parents worked like dogs to give their kids enough money to pretend and had "certain name brand clothes and shoes."

    The Piss Ant Club was a new one he and another few guys had formed. If you worked for a living with honesty, you could join. If you weren't afraid to fix you own lawnmower and mow you own grass getting dirty in the process, you could join. "By giving me an honest answer to my standard 'Preacher question,' you have qualified for membership." He went on with a few more details: "We have no dues, just buy each other lunch when you can afford it / There are no Officers beyond the President, Vice-President, and Treasurer / there is no money so the Treasurer has no real work to do / we have a fist-fight each year to decide who will be President next year."

    I joined the Piss Ant Club by invitation that very day! I had worked my way through Emory University. I had lived at home because a dorm room was out of the question. My mother and I shared a car since she was a teacher and I had just enough time to deal with rush hour traffic and make my 8:00 class. God help my soul if I were late to pick momma up at 4:00. I could get some grace if I was no more than 15 minutes late over afternoon rush hour problems, but the look on momma's face was something no oldest boy ever wanted to see. We had to pick my little sister up from Daycare at a given time as well. By the grace of God I managed to get through the high academic competition at Emory. I joined the real world of work early in my life by cutting grass and putting every penny in a savings account for college someday.

    When I started my new Tree Company I told my wife I was going to name it the Piss Ant Tree Company. "You have got to be kidding!" She said. "No lady is going to hire a company with that kind of name!" Her perspective was totally right so I started rolling some possible names over in my head. What could be a name with a "P" and "A" in it?

    After some more thought I came up with:

         •  Professional

         •  Affordable

    Some more thought about how to be first in the Yellow Pages landed me on Affordable / Professional Tree Surgeons! She liked that one and since 1999 I have worked with my men each day to be sure we did the most efficient job possible. My first big purchase was the stump cutter for $8,000. It was Vermeer which had the best name for heavy equipment in the industry. It was used and supposed to be OK with only a little smoke blowing indicating a possible ring job needed in the near future. This Piss Ant had problems you could not imagine.

    I put it in its first sump --- it stalled out! I called my buddy at the tractor repair shop to see what he thought. He is a Piss Ant too and came in a hour at falling darkness when our "phone fix" did not produce results. Richard listened and watched and concluded, "This thing has bigger engine problems with its Deutz diesel than the folks at Vermeer thought." I needed to call them and see if I should bring it back for a refund or if they wanted to pay a far lower labor cost for him to go into it and see for a report.

    They authorized him to do the examination which meant pull the head and look. Here were the results: totally blow through 4th cylinder / all exhaust rods bent / it was not repairable and the only fix was a new engine---if they would adjust the cost accordingly. They were piss ants too! Without any fuss we moved the price to $5,000 since it had a life left with a new engine installed. That new engine was $5,000 to be picked up by 2 piss ants going to the Deutz Engine Dealership at Greensboro.
Piss Ant Club: Above.
    Having some Piss Ants in your life will always get you by! Often I worked 12 hour days to make that business go. I would work beside Mechanic Piss Ant Richard until 11:00 when he turned out the light. He was working on tractors each day from 7 in the morning to 11 at night with a break for lunch and supper. We had equally good conversations---because he had a new friend who was a preacher who could cuss just like him!

    I have started several Piss Ant Clubs, one at the tractor shop, another at Pine Island Florida, and a new one down here in Beaufort County. You are welcome to join---provided you are willing to work and sweat! A few pictures show the results: