Bubba and Other Assorted Redneck Tales | Eastern North Carolina Now

Another Bubba
    Bubba was stopped by a game Warden in Central Mississippi recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove well-known for its fishing. The game Warden asked Bubba, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

   "Naw, sir", replied Bubba. "I ain't got no fishin' license. But you gotta understand something - these fish here are my pet fish."

    "Pet fish?"

    "Yeah. Every night, I takes these fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jumps right back into the ice chest here and I takes 'em home."

   "That's a bunch of horse crap! Fish can't do that."

    Bubba looked at the game Warden intently for a moment and then said, "I swear it's the truth, Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works."

    "O.K.," said the Warden. "I've got to see this!"

    Bubba poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

    After several minutes, the Warden said, "Well?"

    "Well, what?" asked Bubba.

    The Warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?"

    "Call who back?"

    "The FISH!' yelled the Warden!"

    "What fish?" asked Bubba.

    Moral of the story: We may not all be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't all as dumb as some government employees.



Redneck World
    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

    The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

    'What does it look like?' she finally asked The policewoman replied, 'Its square and it has your picture on it..'

    The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

    The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'


Grandma's Boyfriend
    A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said,

    'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'

    Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.

    I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.

    The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh ... I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

    Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started Adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

    The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister.

    The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'

    The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

    The minister fainted.

    Now, that's funny... I don't care WHO you are.


The Psychiatrist & The Proctologist
    Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

    Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors".

   Their small town council was livid and insisted they change it.

    So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids".

    This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go.

    Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs down again

    Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good.

    Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" - unacceptable again!

    So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" - not a chance.
   
    "Nuts and Butts" - no way. "Freaks and Cheeks" - still no good.

    "Loons and Moons" - forget it.

    Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends".

    Everyone loved it.