Ridiculous Laws and Paraprosdokians | Eastern North Carolina Now

Ridiculous Laws

Don't be a Tool of the Establishment.

    These are real standing laws from around the United States of America---leading the way to the NC Marriage Amendment brilliance!

    Alabama:

    1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

    California:

    1. Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

    Connecticut:

    1. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.

    2. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

    Florida:

    1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

    2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

    3. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

    4. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

    5. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

    Illinois:

    1. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

    Indiana:

    1. Bathing is prohibited during the winter.

    2. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.

    Iowa:

    1. Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.

    Kentucky:

    1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."

    2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.

    Louisana:

    1. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

    2. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

    Massachusetts:

    1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.

    2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.

    3. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.

    Has anyone ever thought of deleting a law????

    Better: fools who made the law?

    Pipe smoker says: Laws are like computers, without a "delete" button hard drives will crash!


Paraprosdokians

(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech, in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

    1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

    2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but, it's still on my list.

    3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

    6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

    8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

    9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

    10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. Why is my desk a work station.

    11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

    12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

    13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

    14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

    16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

    17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

    18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

    19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

    20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

    21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

    22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

    23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

    24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

    26. Where there's a will, there's a relative.
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