Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.
After years of waiting, the world finally has the opportunity to subscribe to CNN's new streaming service, CNN+. Unfortunately, the launch hasn't gone according to plan as no one signed up. Desperate to save the new streaming platform, CNN has announced a bevy of new shows! Check it out! These are gonna be amazing!
The Book of Brian Stelter Basically the same as Brian Stelter's normal news program, except Stelter spices things up by wearing Mandalorian armor. Cool!
Teen Wolf Blitzer - A normal high school kid is struck by a horrific curse that makes him transform into Wolf Blitzer in the light of a full moon. *shiver*
To Catch a CNN Predator - Like NBC's To Catch A Predator, but with a twist: the host and film crew are all predators too!
Don Lemondalorian - Just like Lemon's regular news show except he'll hold a baby Yoda the whole time. Awwwwww!
Game of Thrones, but every character is played by Chris Wallace - He'll make an amazing mother of dragons. His acting range is incredible. Warning: extremely disturbing.
Real Housewives of Chris Cuomo - Take a peek into the sordid lives of Chris Cuomo's housewives--all twelve of them!
Bedtime ASMR: Bob Muller Reads the Muller Report - ZZZZzzzzzzzz...
Jeopardy! but every answer is 'January 6' - "I'll take January 6 for $600. What is January 6? JANUARY 6!!!!!!!"
Survivor: Epstein Island - After filming, they will delete the footage and pretend the story never existed.
Naked and Afraid, with Jeffrey Toobin - Jeffrey Toobin walks in on coworkers while naked, making them feel very afraid. Just a normal day at the office.
Wheel of Science, with Dr. Fauci - This delightful game show will let contestants spin the wheel to find out what THE SCIENCE (or Pfizer) want them to do today!
The Muppet View - The View, but with Muppets. Unlike the original, this will feature witty and intelligent conversations.
Shark Tank+ - A show in which Jeff Zucker makes a pitch to the Sharks to please buy CNN+ for $7
These look great! Which one are you most looking forward to?