God Moved To FBI Watch List After Pro-Life Comments Surface | Eastern North Carolina Now | The Federal Bureau of Investigation has placed God on its watch list after discovering a troubling history of extreme pro-life comments.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WORLD     The Federal Bureau of Investigation has placed God on its watch list after discovering a troubling history of extreme pro-life comments.

    "We believe this 'God' character to be the ringleader of a worldwide network of dangerous anti-choice extremists," said Attorney General Merrick Garland. "We suspect he is extremely dangerous, and we urge anyone with knowledge as to his whereabouts to contact the FBI immediately."

    Law enforcement believes God might be inspiring thousands of followers to violate the sacred Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances Act, known as the FACE Act. Several followers of God have been arrested for blocking access to abortion by praying and singing outside abortion clinics.

    Several comments attributed to God implicating him in dangerous pro-life activism around the world include:

  • "Before I formed you in your mother's womb I chose you. Before you were born I set you apart."
  • "Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter."
  • "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."
  • "Thou shalt not murder."

    "These unhinged comments are a direct threat to women's healthcare and to democracy itself," said FBI Director Christopher Wray. "We are asking God to turn himself in to authorities before more women lose access to their important right to kill babies."

    At publishing time, the FBI was flooded with millions of tips from people claiming they knew where God is.

poll#152
With Roe v Wade (originated in 1973) overturned by the US Supreme Court, thereby allowing decisions on abortion legislation completely returned to the states: Where do you find your position on such a "Life and Death" issue for the American People?
  Yes, I approve of the US Supreme Court's decision to reinstate this "medical" issue back to the states' legislative responsibility to regulate.
  No, I believe that every woman should have complete access to abortion on demand.
  This issue is far beyond my intellectual capacity to understand.
530 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




The Asinine Politics of the Marist Mindset List Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Miracle: Man Successfully Drives Across Town Even Though His Wife Wasn’t There To Provide Helpful Safe Driving Tips


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Twitter CEO Elon Musk released information through journalist Matt Taibbi Friday afternoon showing that Twitter was working in conjunction with then-Democrat presidential candidate Joe Biden’s team, removing tweets that team Biden wanted deleted.
As a youth growing up in a United States of America that understood the pain of sacrifice, the remembrance of Pearl Harbor was an annual event.
How a coastal North Carolina city became the site of America’s only coup d’etat
Democrats have voted to put South Carolina first in the Democratic primary schedule and move Georgia and Michigan up to be included in the early voting states, according to reporting from the Associated Press.
A coalition of charter-school advocacy organizations has filed a lawsuit in federal court seeking to block new restrictions on charter schools imposed by the Biden administration
Former Secretary of State and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticized recent pro-life wins, comparing actions that protect unborn life to those in countries around the world where women’s rights have historically been severely restricted.
Former President Donald Trump is asking a federal judge to force the Department of Justice (DOJ) to turn over an unredacted copy of the FBI affidavit used to justify a raid on Trump’s Florida residence.
After the men's national team was dealt a crushing 1-3 loss by the Netherlands, the United States expressed deep relief to no longer have to go on pretending to like soccer.

HbAD1

Teenagers’ brains were physically altered and aged at an accelerated rate during the COVID lockdowns, according to a Stanford University study published Thursday.
An interpreter for the Broadway show “The Lion King” is suing over his termination, claiming that he was fired because of his skin color.
Representative Ilhan Omar arrived at the Capitol today proudly decked out head-to-toe in brand new "Yeezy" gear.
A California law suggests that not-for-credit courses may be on their last legs.
While methamphetamine has been a problem in the United States for a long time, there is a rising concern about fentanyl use and fatal overdoses. However, the two drugs combined are adding another layer to the crisis.
Twitter CEO Elon Musk said Friday afternoon that he will release more information about how the platform censored the New York Post’s bombshell report about Hunter Biden’s laptop just weeks before the 2020 presidential election.
Local man Garrett Benton has officially spent half of his annual salary paying other people to do the manly things he wishes he could do himself.

HbAD2

 
Back to Top