Fetterman Prepares For Senate Job With New Dress Hoodie | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    PHILADELPHIA, PA     In the wake of his Senate victory, Democratic Pennsylvania Lt. Gov. John Fetterman has purchased a new dress hoodie to wear in Washington. Fetterman made the purchase at the King of Prussia mall on Wednesday afternoon.

    "Hoodie... yes hoodie. Fancy. Dress up. Professional... professional," said Fetterman to reporters. "Wear. Hoodie."

    "He looks amazing in the hoodie," said Pauli's Vittorino, a sales associate at Joey's, a casual menswear store. "He looks like a real Senator now. Future president, maybe!"

    According to a customer who witnessed the transaction, Fetterman had difficulty trying on the 4XL hoodie, likely due to struggles associated with his tragic stroke. "His wife helped him put the hoodie on," said the customer, who wished to remain anonymous. "I voted for the other guy because I found Fetterman's neck lump unsettling. But this new hoodie makes me reconsider!"

    Writers for Vogue declared the new loungewear an "iconic new fashion statement," while People Magazine declared the new Senator a strong contender for "sexiest man alive." Fetterman responded to the glowing reviews, saying: "glurghhhh."

    At publishing time, Fetterman had also purchased some dress flip-flops and another shotgun in case he runs into any black joggers in D.C.

poll#164

It has been far too many years since the Woke theology interlaced its canons within the fabric of the Indoctrination Realm, so it is nigh time to ask: Does this Representative Republic continue, as a functioning society of a self-governed people, by contending with the unusual, self absorbed dictates of the Woke, and their vast array of Victimhood scenarios?

  Yes, the Religion of Woke must continue; there are so many groups of underprivileged, underserved, a direct result of unrelenting Inequity; they deserve everything.

  No; the Woke fools must be toppled from their self-anointed pedestal; a functioning society of a good Constitutional people cannot withstand this level of "existential" favoritism as it exists now.

  I just observe; with this thoughtful observation: What will happen "when the Vikings are breeching our walls;" how do the Woke react?

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