Biden Offers Hush Money To 330 Million Americans To Not Tell Anyone How Bad He's Doing

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Now that Kamala Harris has been coronated the Democratic Socialist designee for nomination as their candidate for President of these United States, after that political party's contrived primary process "democratically" elected Joseph R. Biden: What are your feelings about this party's progressive posture within their self-styled exercise of "Saving Democracy for America," and how truly critical the outcome of this presidential election will be?

8.7% I am ecstatic that this "Democracy's" First partially Black, First partially Indian, First female Co-Parent, and this nation's primary necessity is to her elect our First woman president.

26.09% I really do not care about all these "Firsts." I will continue to pray, and work for this Representative Republic to elect someone competent, and brilliantly patriotic to be our next president.

65.22% I will never vote for any politician that "first" does not have the core values to understand how dire this Constitutional Republic's situation has become.

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Biden Offers Hush Money To 330 Million Americans To Not Tell Anyone How Bad He's Doing

Published: Saturday, April 1st, 2023 @ 9:45 am
By: Babylon Bee ( More Entries )

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, DC     In what the media and political experts are hailing as an ingenious move, President Joe Biden has announced a plan to offer "hush money" to 330 million Americans so they won't tell anyone how bad he's doing as President.

    "Here's the deal, folks. I cut you a check, you don't tell anyone about me wrecking the country. Deal?" Biden said in brief remarks to the media at the White House before shuffling inside for his afternoon snack and playtime. "If this type of thing works for keeping adult film stars quiet about affairs, I can use it to keep my historically awful presidency quiet. Got it? Hamshamblestuffins!"

    The idea comes on the heels of allegations regarding former President Donald Trump's payments to Stormy Daniels following a reported affair. Trump is facing indictment, but President Biden's status as a Democrat is believed to be enough to shield him from any potential accusations of impropriety. "If President Biden were a Republican, this plan would never work," said political analyst Jim Neidhart. "That fact that he's a Democrat - for all intents and purposes - makes him immune to any repercussions from offering hush money."

    When asked where the President planned to get the money for this payout of hush money, a White House insider said the administration would simply raise taxes, take more money from citizens, and then offer it back to them. "Pretty much exactly what we did with stimulus checks," the insider said.

    At publishing time, President Biden's team had also confirmed cash payouts to hundreds of underaged girls for some reason.

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