CDC Announces Deadly New 'Electionyearicron' Covid Variant | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ATLANTA, GA     The Center for Disease Control warned Americans this week to resume all contact precautions due to a new and rapidly-spreading "Electionyearicron" Covid variant.

    CDC director Bob Cohen spoke with reporters Wednesday to announce the new variant. "'Electionyearicron' is thought to be the most disruptive variant yet, and will be here all through 2024 until approximately November sixth," said Mr. Cohen. "So everyone, stay home and get ready to vote by mail!"

    The White House hosted an immediate press conference to address the dangerous new variant. "We're thrilled - I mean, um, alarmed - to hear of this deadly new 'Electionyearicron' variant," said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "The President says we'll probably just go ahead and cancel the general elections next year as a precaution. It's the only way to really flatten the curve. You don't want to kill grandma, do you?"

    The CDC has released guidelines once again encouraging social distancing and the wearing of masks. "It's the best way to love your neighbor," said Mr. Cohen. "The government will let you know just as soon as it's safe to end quarantine, which we project to be immediately after the next election is over. Just to give Americans an extra sense of assurance, we are calling Dr. Fauci back out of retirement so everyone knows they can trust our word. Stay home, stay safe!"

    As of press time, millions of middle-class liberal women had already sewn their N95 masks directly onto their faces as a precaution.

poll#147

Do you consider Election Integrity an issue of some real importance, or just another conspiracy theory interfering with Democratic Socialist political hegemony?

  No, complete access to everyone voting, even in a willy nilly manner, is more important than getting it right by limiting access to those that would commit Voter Fraud.

  Yes, the most inalienable right of real citizens of this Democratic Republic is the Right to Vote, and that right shall remain sacrosanct for perpetuity.

  Again, I don't vote and I don't care.

730 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#177

Considering the irrefutable fact that the Left /the Democratic Socialists, beginning in March of 2020, employed the repetitive use of the Covid Pandemic as a political cudgel to wrest a presidential election, where their candidate rarely left his basement, from a frightened and beaten down citizenry of this Representative Republic: What does your knowledge NOW, in hindsight, aid in your understanding of the motives of the Authoritarian Left?

  The "Left" cares about all Democratics, so it was imperative that we do whatever it took to elect a lifelong politician to become that Democratic Socialist to forever change US.

  Pandemics are serious business, where our leaders must use wisdom and practicable efforts of all that serve to protect the public from not only the pandemic, but these ignoble usurpers of the Left.

  I lost almost everything in the Covid Pandemic, and I want justice; a justice where only the truth prevails, and the rampant fraud that is now legend is remedied.

156 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?