Saints In Heaven Shocked To Learn Catholics Have Been Trying To Talk To Them This Whole Time | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    PEARLY GATES     All was not trumpets and harps at the Pearly Gates following a surprising revelation that has really ruffled some holy vestments. Saints in Heaven were shocked to learn Catholics have been trying to talk to them this whole time.

    "Wait a minute," said St. Gabriel, Archangel and Catholic patron saint of communications and voicemails. "You people have been trying to contact us for HOW long? When was someone going to tell me about this?"

    "You've been what?" a befuddled Saint Francis of Assisi asked incoming Catholic Tony Fenucci. "Praying to...ME? What the heck?!"

    News that Catholics have been sending their prayers to saints rather than God spread across the heavens, leading to a day of conversation, confusion, and some hard finger-pointing at Biblical passages that the saints thought had been quite clear to understand.

    "Forgive my frustration, but I just learned millions of Catholics have been praying to me to help find lost objects that have no real eternal consequence," said a palpably frustrated Saint Anthony, "Also, what is a 'car keys'?"

    Anthony went on to say, "Have you checked where you left them last?"