Trump Gerrymanders U.S. To Include Canada | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

Publisher's Note: This post is a little older, but a significant enough piece of Funny, it must be incorporated into Eastern NC NOW.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     The geopolitical balance of power appeared to experience a significant shift this week, as President Donald Trump announced that he had gerrymandered the United States of America to now include Canada.

    The savvy political maneuver by Trump completed his plan to annex Canada, simultaneously solving the U.S.'s trade deficit with its northern neighbor while also now merging the two nations into one supercountry that possessed the largest maple syrup reserve in the world.

    "It's done. I drew the line myself," Trump told reporters in the Oval Office after unveiling the order. "I'm the president, and I have the power to draw the borders. This is something the president can do, everyone agrees. I included Canada, which is now our big, beautiful 51st state. Gerrymandering. It's a tremendous thing."

    Critics of the move immediately protested the gerrymandering, calling it illegal and labeling it a plot by Republicans to allow notoriously conservative moose to vote for GOP candidates in future elections. "More Republican tricks," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "We know what's going on here. We can see right through Trump's scheme to guarantee every election goes his way. There's a reason it's called 'The Great WHITE North,' that's all I'm saying."


    When reached for comment, the former prime minister (and now governor) of Canada, Mark Carney, said he disagreed with the change, but his inherent Canadian politeness prohibited him from putting up a fight. "Not a fan," he said. "But we'll just go with it so there's no trouble, eh?"

    At publishing time, Trump had reportedly held a phone call with the president of Mexico to let her know that her country would be gerrymandered next if she didn't agree to a new trade deal.

poll#218

Now that President Trump is picking his cabinet and immediate staff to insulate him from the poor judgement of the Bureaucratic Class, while moving quickly to transition this Constitutional Republic unto a wise and sustainable direction: What is your immediate impression as to how our nation will prosper?

  We are headed toward a Golden Age in America's self-governed society.

  This will all wind up in a clustered mess since Trump is a Fascist, and thought to be the second coming of Adolf Hitler by our best journalists.

  This is a time where critical days lay ahead, where only wise and responsible decisions must be made to sustain US.

  I generally do not pay attention, but expect only the best to occur ... and that is what I always expect.

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