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Results found for "satan"


In a crushing blow to the plans of the Evil One, the Jones family made it to church this past Sunday.
Published: Sunday, March 3rd, 2024 @ 1:07 pm By: Babylon Bee
In a crushing blow to the plans of the Evil One, the Jones family made it to church this past Sunday.
 
The world is in shock today after the father of lies abruptly stepped down from his role as "the adversary." The Devil credited the astonishing performance of TikTok, an invention he reportedly developed together with his business partner Xi Jinping.
The world is in shock today after the father of lies abruptly stepped down from his role as "the adversary." The Devil credited the astonishing performance of TikTok, an invention he reportedly developed together with his business partner Xi Jinping.
 
He has been charged with 4th-degree criminal mischief.
He has been charged with 4th-degree criminal mischief.
 
The Satanic Temple plans to launch its first after-school program in Tennessee at an elementary school just outside of Memphis come January, a development that sparked widespread controversy within the community.
Published: Tuesday, January 9th, 2024 @ 2:15 pm By: Daily Wire
The Satanic Temple plans to launch its first after-school program in Tennessee at an elementary school just outside of Memphis come January, a development that sparked widespread controversy within the community.
 
Local police have taken in the man who reportedly entered the Iowa State Capitol and reigned destruction upon the satanic statue of Baphomet, cutting off its head epically and gloriously with a chainsaw. According to law enforcement, the man said his name was "Doom Guy".
Published: Sunday, December 17th, 2023 @ 1:28 pm By: Babylon Bee
Local police have taken in the man who reportedly entered the Iowa State Capitol and reigned destruction upon the satanic statue of Baphomet, cutting off its head epically and gloriously with a chainsaw. According to law enforcement, the man said his name was "Doom Guy".
 
A Satan-worshipping cult of pedophiles is blackmailing girls into cutting themselves — but the FBI didn’t seem interested in that so much as the fact that one of its members once used the n-word, a Daily Wire investigation found.
A Satan-worshipping cult of pedophiles is blackmailing girls into cutting themselves — but the FBI didn’t seem interested in that so much as the fact that one of its members once used the n-word, a Daily Wire investigation found.
 
The Satanic Temple claimed the abortion ban violates their members' religious rights.
Published: Monday, November 13th, 2023 @ 7:58 am By: Daily Wire
The Satanic Temple claimed the abortion ban violates their members' religious rights.
 
Party-backed Jeremy Rodden backed club even after a Satanist went on a murderous rampage five minutes from the school
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 4:18 am By: Daily Wire
Party-backed Jeremy Rodden backed club even after a Satanist went on a murderous rampage five minutes from the school
 
After being swept by the Diamondbacks in humiliating fashion, the Los Angeles Dodgers were left wondering if perhaps they ought to have spent more time practicing baseball and less time honoring Satanic nuns dressed in drag.
Published: Monday, October 23rd, 2023 @ 8:09 am By: Babylon Bee
After being swept by the Diamondbacks in humiliating fashion, the Los Angeles Dodgers were left wondering if perhaps they ought to have spent more time practicing baseball and less time honoring Satanic nuns dressed in drag.
 
With a wedding hanging in the balance after running out of booze, Satan stepped up to miraculously turn water into Bud Light.
With a wedding hanging in the balance after running out of booze, Satan stepped up to miraculously turn water into Bud Light.
 
Satan was reportedly pleased this past weekend after an adorable little baby unintentionally served his dark will by distracting people in the pew behind him at a local church and preventing them from hearing the sermon.
Published: Sunday, August 13th, 2023 @ 11:48 pm By: Babylon Bee
Satan was reportedly pleased this past weekend after an adorable little baby unintentionally served his dark will by distracting people in the pew behind him at a local church and preventing them from hearing the sermon.
 
Facing increased backlash and negative public attention amid what is perceived by many to be an aggressive assault on traditional values, Satan has officially asked the LGBTQ+ community to tone down its efforts.
Published: Tuesday, July 25th, 2023 @ 8:40 pm By: Babylon Bee
Facing increased backlash and negative public attention amid what is perceived by many to be an aggressive assault on traditional values, Satan has officially asked the LGBTQ+ community to tone down its efforts.
 
Amid a nationwide boycott, Target has chosen to remove some "pride" displays in their store. Experts are warning that this could leave many Satan-worshipping trans infants with limited options for their designer clothing.
Published: Saturday, June 24th, 2023 @ 11:55 pm By: Babylon Bee
Amid a nationwide boycott, Target has chosen to remove some "pride" displays in their store. Experts are warning that this could leave many Satan-worshipping trans infants with limited options for their designer clothing.
 
In a decision viewed as yet another part of the logical progression of the team's descent into otherworldly evil, the Los Angeles Dodgers have announced the team will replace the traditional 7th-Inning Stretch and its accompanying singing of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
Published: Friday, June 23rd, 2023 @ 2:08 pm By: Babylon Bee
In a decision viewed as yet another part of the logical progression of the team's descent into otherworldly evil, the Los Angeles Dodgers have announced the team will replace the traditional 7th-Inning Stretch and its accompanying singing of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
 
In an effort to further smooth things over following the controversial decision to re-invite LGBTQ+ activist group Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the Los Angeles Dodgers have now summoned Satan himself to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at Pride Night.
Published: Wednesday, June 21st, 2023 @ 10:01 am By: Babylon Bee
In an effort to further smooth things over following the controversial decision to re-invite LGBTQ+ activist group Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the Los Angeles Dodgers have now summoned Satan himself to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at Pride Night.
 
Erik Carnell, the self-identified transgender artist who runs the company Abprallen and was hired by Target to make designs for a “Pride Month” collection, asserted that the retail behemoth was aware of the designer’s Satanic imagery before the deal was official.
Published: Tuesday, June 13th, 2023 @ 8:28 am By: Daily Wire
Erik Carnell, the self-identified transgender artist who runs the company Abprallen and was hired by Target to make designs for a “Pride Month” collection, asserted that the retail behemoth was aware of the designer’s Satanic imagery before the deal was official.
 
The artist who sells Satanic merchandise and was hired by Target to design three “Pride Month” items shuttered the Etsy store and website which carried the merchandise as sales skyrocketed.
Published: Sunday, June 11th, 2023 @ 8:10 pm By: Daily Wire
The artist who sells Satanic merchandise and was hired by Target to design three “Pride Month” items shuttered the Etsy store and website which carried the merchandise as sales skyrocketed.
 
Target witnessed a $6 billion decrease in the retail behemoth’s market capitalization amid consumer backlash over a designer featured in the company’s most recent “Pride Month” collection who appears to have created products with Satanic imagery.
Published: Sunday, June 11th, 2023 @ 2:35 am By: Daily Wire
Target witnessed a $6 billion decrease in the retail behemoth’s market capitalization amid consumer backlash over a designer featured in the company’s most recent “Pride Month” collection who appears to have created products with Satanic imagery.
 
promoting Satanist "Pride" collection in its stores backfires with customers; stockholders lose
Published: Thursday, May 25th, 2023 @ 9:55 pm By: John Steed
promoting Satanist "Pride" collection in its stores backfires with customers; stockholders lose
 
The Lord of Darkness dropped by Congress to offer testimony on behalf of his favorite app, TikTok.
Published: Friday, April 7th, 2023 @ 11:27 am By: Babylon Bee
The Lord of Darkness dropped by Congress to offer testimony on behalf of his favorite app, TikTok.
 
A Pennsylvania school district just revoked their previous approval for an After School Satan Club to use their facilities following extensive public backlash.
Published: Wednesday, March 8th, 2023 @ 12:48 am By: Daily Wire
A Pennsylvania school district just revoked their previous approval for an After School Satan Club to use their facilities following extensive public backlash.
 
Sources in Hades have announced that Satan will finally be opening the underworld's first Chick-fil-A franchise, but it will only serve cauliflower sandwiches.
Sources in Hades have announced that Satan will finally be opening the underworld's first Chick-fil-A franchise, but it will only serve cauliflower sandwiches.
 
After seeing his dazzlingly satanic performance at the Grammys, the Biden Administration has invited gay nonbinary singer Sam Smith to perform at the State of the Union.
After seeing his dazzlingly satanic performance at the Grammys, the Biden Administration has invited gay nonbinary singer Sam Smith to perform at the State of the Union.
 
If you read this headline and thought it was an article from The Babylon Bee, you thought wrong — though your confusion would be understandable.
If you read this headline and thought it was an article from The Babylon Bee, you thought wrong — though your confusion would be understandable.
 
In a rare public statement, The Prince of Darkness has distanced himself from last night's Grammys performance by Sam Smith, which he denounced as "cringy" and "appalling."
In a rare public statement, The Prince of Darkness has distanced himself from last night's Grammys performance by Sam Smith, which he denounced as "cringy" and "appalling."
 
The ratings are in for the 2023 Grammy Awards show — which featured a “Demonic” performance by artist Sam Smith — and the show continues to struggle to bring in the audience it had pre-pandemic.
The ratings are in for the 2023 Grammy Awards show — which featured a “Demonic” performance by artist Sam Smith — and the show continues to struggle to bring in the audience it had pre-pandemic.
 
Viewers of the 65th Annual Grammy Awards slammed a performance on Sunday by Sam Smith and Kim Petras as “demonic” over its satanic theme.
Published: Thursday, February 9th, 2023 @ 6:53 pm By: Daily Wire
Viewers of the 65th Annual Grammy Awards slammed a performance on Sunday by Sam Smith and Kim Petras as “demonic” over its satanic theme.
 
A local pastor was left embarrassed last weekend after proclaiming "Jesus was all about inclusion!" in his sermon, as it was later revealed he had actually been confusing Jesus with Satan the entire time.
Published: Friday, January 27th, 2023 @ 2:23 pm By: Babylon Bee
A local pastor was left embarrassed last weekend after proclaiming "Jesus was all about inclusion!" in his sermon, as it was later revealed he had actually been confusing Jesus with Satan the entire time.
 
BlackRock CEO Larry Fink denounced criticism of the ESG movement and expressed skepticism toward supply chain resiliency efforts at the World Economic Forum.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 1:50 pm By: Daily Wire
BlackRock CEO Larry Fink denounced criticism of the ESG movement and expressed skepticism toward supply chain resiliency efforts at the World Economic Forum.
 
Elon Musk blasted the environmental, social, and corporate governance movement, also known as ESG, on social media in response to the World Economic Forum advancing the ideology.
Elon Musk blasted the environmental, social, and corporate governance movement, also known as ESG, on social media in response to the World Economic Forum advancing the ideology.
 
Inside the Illinois State Capitol sits a display of several religious exhibits for the holiday season, which includes a Jewish menorah, the Christian nativity scene, and the “Serpent of Genesis” from the Satanic Temple, as reported by local radio media.
Inside the Illinois State Capitol sits a display of several religious exhibits for the holiday season, which includes a Jewish menorah, the Christian nativity scene, and the “Serpent of Genesis” from the Satanic Temple, as reported by local radio media.
 
"Why did they choose Satan? Why not the Jean Paul Sartre existentialism club? Why not the Descartes club?"
Published: Monday, November 28th, 2022 @ 10:20 pm By: Daily Wire
"Why did they choose Satan? Why not the Jean Paul Sartre existentialism club? Why not the Descartes club?"
 
During a surprise appearance at a Donald Trump rally in Pennsylvania, Satan himself opened the proceedings with a word of prayer.
Published: Monday, November 14th, 2022 @ 8:23 am By: Babylon Bee
During a surprise appearance at a Donald Trump rally in Pennsylvania, Satan himself opened the proceedings with a word of prayer.
 
A spokesperson for Hell has rejected Biden's claim that the US economy is "strong as hell." Jay Rogers, Press Secretary for Satan, strongly criticized Biden's comparison of the US economy's strength to the underworld.
Published: Tuesday, October 25th, 2022 @ 1:53 pm By: Babylon Bee
A spokesperson for Hell has rejected Biden's claim that the US economy is "strong as hell." Jay Rogers, Press Secretary for Satan, strongly criticized Biden's comparison of the US economy's strength to the underworld.
 
The Satanic Temple (TST) is suing the state of Indiana over its recently passed abortion restriction law, claiming it infringes on the rights of its followers and violates the Constitution.
Published: Sunday, October 23rd, 2022 @ 12:03 pm By: Daily Wire
The Satanic Temple (TST) is suing the state of Indiana over its recently passed abortion restriction law, claiming it infringes on the rights of its followers and violates the Constitution.
 
Board room Demons erupted with thunderous applause and praise for their CEO Satan as he pitched another sinister idea of rebranding the dated term "child sacrifice" with "abortion."
Published: Monday, October 10th, 2022 @ 3:19 am By: Babylon Bee
Board room Demons erupted with thunderous applause and praise for their CEO Satan as he pitched another sinister idea of rebranding the dated term "child sacrifice" with "abortion."
 
Florida Democrat gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist compared himself to Jesus in a bizarre stump speech that was uncovered this week. During the speech, he said he was fighting against “DeSatan,” a reference to the state’s popular Republican Governor Ron DeSantis.
Published: Tuesday, October 4th, 2022 @ 11:15 pm By: Daily Wire
Florida Democrat gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist compared himself to Jesus in a bizarre stump speech that was uncovered this week. During the speech, he said he was fighting against “DeSatan,” a reference to the state’s popular Republican Governor Ron DeSantis.
 

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