My Sunday Morning Checklist - With all due respect | Eastern North Carolina Now

   I have had the same routine for most of my adult life, but this morning I had this revelation after I watched a news show in the early morning hours.

    I usually wake up, early in the morning because I have no plans, no job and no particular purpose in life.  During my working life, the routine was simple.  Turn on drip coffee maker.  Then proceed with bathroom duties, shower, shave, brush teeth, and then dress for work.  I rarely ate breakfast.

   Since retiring from work, I do the same things with the exception of dress for work.  However, I do not do them in the same order or even within a few hours after waking up.  Nevertheless, this morning I finally got the epiphany that explains my morning routine. The news must have triggered an identity crisis in my subconscious mind.

   I woke up and self-identified myself as (in alphabetical order) a ________________________ human.:

Fill in the blank from below

•         Christian (with some flaws)
•         Father
•         Heterosexual (if memory serves)
•         Husband
•         Old man
•         Opinionated but not really mad about it
•         Social Security collecting drain on society
•         Southern born and bred
•         White male
•         Tax Paying

   To be sure, I looked at my driver's license, certified copy of birth certificate, online bank account (did SS deposit clear), and finally the mirror.

   What do you know; I think I am properly self-identifying myself and have no gender-bending issues.  I realize that I am many other things that do not appear on my list and I promise I am working on them in the proper priority and will add them to the list after I make a careful examination of the facts. I also have removed some things from the list over the years due to painful and sometimes humorous results.

   I doubt that I will be able to add the one item to the list that every news show tells me I should be.  Feel free to borrow this technique, you may find something about yourself you never knew.

It does not look like Guilt Ridden will make the cut.

I just wish that most people, myself included, would  self-identify themselves as just plain

"Human"