More Holy Humor ... or Part II | Eastern North Carolina Now

Send this to someone who needs a laugh today and remember: Knowing scripture can save your life!
    A TV special said three Nuns were sent from Catholic South Louisiana to the Protestant North Louisiana and got not response for the Whites but converted the Blacks. One was a teacher, one nurse, and one social worker.  They witnesses while providing social services. How's that for condensing a one hour show?

    I am drinking coffee and musing about working with a Deacon or emailing a Pastor. The day to day contact with Jesus did not make the disciples the "sharpest pencils in the pack". They did not understand the parables or much else.  The Bible does not say how much they knew after Pentecost.  And the early church in Acts had problems.

    One of my self help books LISTENING SKILLS says that if two Grits [white southerners] of the same age and education speak about something of common interest like football,  only 50 per cent of what is said is understood and remembered for an hour.  The per cent gets worse as the factors get diverse.

    So I feel sorry for a Deacon or Pastor who is trying to teach a layman. I am reading the Screw Tapes and had forgotten allot of our eTalks.

    My Elderly Mom and Dad attended a Methodist Chapel as long as they were able. You would think that a small congregation would behave but they went through a series of ministers sent by the association.  One Lady Pastor was asked to leave after showing her vacation on the beach Bikini photos. One pastor left when the choir refused to use modern song books. But the congregation has not split.

    I believe I sent you the post on don't ask / don't tell and from it generated some discussion of the nature of homosexuality.  I just rediscovered this information sent me some months ago upon my request to a participant in USA Today's religious blog:

    The VIP SCN nucleus of the hypothalamus is larger in men than in women, and larger in gay men than in heterosexual men.

    Gay men and straight women have, on average, equally proportioned brain hemispheres. Lesbian women and straight men have, on average, slightly larger right brain hemispheres.

    I enjoyed this fine Retired Day bringing our rough draft current to Dec. I did go to the Waffle House and Office Max but most of the day was spent reading our emails. We Methodist are a simple folk and Called Ministers may be all I need.  I am like the little boy who asked his mom where he came from.  After a lengthy red face biology lesson,  he said, " I thought I came from Clarkston".

    All I want is guaranteed Salvation and Health and Wealth and Wisdom. 


Marriage in Heaven
    On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

    When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

    The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

    After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

    "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

    St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

    "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

    "OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER?"


Acts 2:38
    A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

    The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

    As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.

    'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'