Talking All The Time | Eastern NC Now

   In a renewed attempt to keep my heart from attacking me, I went back to the high school track a couple of days ago. I have been neglecting my exercise routine for an extended period of time after I came up with several Emergency Excuses. They are classified as Emergency Excuses because, if I had not come up with these Emergency Excuses, my heart might have attacked me.

   I got right back into my 2 Mile Regimen expecting to be greeted by ESPN and interviewed by one of their glib reporters but ESPN was nowhere to be found. It was just me and a very Interesting and Determined Exercising Lady.

    The Exercising Lady was very determined because she did many different forms of exercise and she was there the whole time I was there. She was also interesting because she talked on her cell phone the entire time I was there.

    She was already talking on her phone when I arrived and she was talking on her phone when I crawled back to my car 50 minutes later.

    I found myself fixated on her more than my usual fixation about whether I was going to be able to finish my two-mile trek around the track. Actually, she took my mind off of my usual line of exercising thought...

• Should I stop now?
• Maybe that’s enough?
• Did something just go pop?
• Why do I do this?

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Instead, I thought thoughts such as these...

• How can she talk that much?
• Is she going to run out of words and just start making unintelligible utterances?
• What if she could not make contract with a fellow talker because they were all talking to other fellow talkers? Would she just hold the phone next to her ear out of habit?
• Was she even aware that the phone was at her ear?
• Was she aware that she was talking on her phone?
• How long was she there talking before I got here?
• Since she was still talking after I left, how long did she stay there talking after I left?
• Did she talk all the way back to her car?
• Did she talk during the entire drive back home?
• Does she ever not talk on her phone?
• Does she duct tape the phone to her head and talk all through the night as she sleeps?
• If she sets up a Do Lunch at 3 am for 11:30 am, will she remember that appointment when she wakes up?

   It was almost more exhausting thinking about her Phone Stamina than it was for me to do my two miles.

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   The Real Depressing Part...

• My two-mile routine is made up of alternating every quarter mile between Brisk Walking and Running.
• Initially, her routine was Exclusively Brisk Walking.
• While she was doing her Brisk Walking Routine and I was doing my Brisk Walking and Running Routine she was gaining on me!

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    The Save My Aging Dignity Part...

    Before she did actually catch up and pass me, she stopped doing her Brisk Walking Routine and started doing In-Place Stretching and Jumping Exercises.

    If she had persisted with her Brisk Walking Routine and had passed me while I was doing my Brisk Walking and Running Routine, my ego might never have recovered.

   As I peck this Foolishness out, I am left grasping at the straw that maybe I was on the verge of getting my Second Wind and she may not have passed me after all...Or would she not have after all?

   Would I kid u?

      Smartfella