A Great Big Bowl of Funny | Eastern North Carolina Now

A Blonde Joke that You've Never Heard Before

    After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

    The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'

    The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

    He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blond took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.

    Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator.

    Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration......

    Can you believe this? THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!

Three Wishes

    This little old lady was sitting on her front porch in her rocking chair reflecting on her long life when a fairy godmother approached her to grant her three wishes.

    "What would you like for your first wish, she said." The little old lady said "I guess I'm like everyone else, and would like to be rich." POOF-her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

    "And, for your second wish?" She said, "Well, again, like everyone else, I wish I were young and beautiful." POOF--she was turned into a beautiful young woman.

    As she was trying to come up with her third wish, her cat walked across the porch in front of her. "Ooh--can you turn him into a handsome prince?" POOF--before her eyes was the most handsome young man she had ever seen.

    She was sitting there all smitten--he smiled at her with a smile that made her knees week. He slowly approached her and whispered in her ear.

    "I'll bet you're really pissed off that you had me neutered.

Cheap Suits

    Bubba and Billy Bob are walking down the street in Atlanta, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each."

    Bubba says to his pal, " Billy Bob , look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Sand Mountain , sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they
hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant and won't wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Georgia drawl so's they don't know we is from Alabama ."

    They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Georgia drawl, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my Pickup and..."

    The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll from South Alabama, ain't ya?"

    "Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba...."How come you knowed that?"

    "Because this is a dry cleaners!"

Copper Wire & Communication

    After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

    Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British"

    One week later, Australia's Northern Territory Times reported the following:

    "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern Territory, Knackers Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely bugger-all. Knackers has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless."

    ...Makes ya feel bloody proud to be Australian!