Conservative Parents Remind Dancing Teens To Leave Room For Reagan | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    FRANKLIN, TN    Local father and dance chaperone Dennis Bush has reminded his children that, when dancing, they must remember to leave room for Reagan.

    Bush reportedly borrowed the libido-killing technique from his Baptist friends who he routinely observed telling their own children to leave a large gap when dancing so that Jesus has enough room to get in there and disrupt the sexual tension.

    Heavy criticism has been directed at Bush by his teenagers and his wife, who have referred to him as a buzzkill and suggested he loves Reagan more than women.

    "Look, I've seen Footloose," said Bush. "I don't want to be like the annoying preacher who says dancing is a sin but maybe you can leave a little room for The Gipper."

    Bush doesn't believe premarital relations are morally wrong per se but has expressed a fear that an unplanned pregnancy in the family would be "inconvenient" if he ever wants to run for political office.

    After seeing how much he ruined any excitement for the dance, he opted to borrow once more from his Baptists friends who he's seen tell kids to sit a Bible-length apart from others. He is now demanding his teens to imagine a Berlin Wall between them at all times.

    "On your wedding day, I shall proclaim, 'Tear down this wall!'" he laughed.