The Babylon Bee Presents: 9 Rules Of Gun Safety | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Tired of killing people by accident because you're trying to show off your cool gun? We know how inconvenient that can be. That's why we are huge advocates of common-sense gun safety.

    Be sure to follow these gun safety rules to the letter:

    1) Never put your finger on the trigger: Are you crazy?! You could kill somebody!

    2) Never point your gun at the Director of Photography when rehearsing a movie scene: (Alec Baldwin only)

    3) Make sure the target has a name in red above them: If they're on your team you'll get kicked from the server for friendly fire.

    4) Audibly say "pew" while shooting to warn others: PEW PEW PEW!

    5) Holding the gun sideways for maximum accuracy: It will also add +5 damage.

    6) Never sneak up on people at the range and shout "HOOBAJOOBA!" while jumping out in front of the muzzle of their weapon: That's just rude!

    7) Spin the gun around with your finger like a cowboy when placing it in your holster: It will deter bad guys.

    8) Never carry your gun across state lines: THIS IS THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO!

    9) Bring a second, smaller gun in case anyone tries to steal your regular gun: And possibly a third even smaller gun. For safety.