'Life Is Filled With Pain And Suffering, And It Isn't Clear To Me How One Could Ease That Suffering Without Buying Boll & Branch Sheets For $99.99 | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    NASHVILLE, TN     Famed Canadian clinical psychologist and best-selling author Jordan Peterson has announced that he will be joining DailyWire+ to produce exclusive new content. According to Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boring at a recent DW+ conference, fans will still be able to hear all of their favorite conversations with Dr. Peterson, but now with all the Daily Wire ads they love.

    "You know, it isn't obvious to me that the intrinsic suffering of life that afflicts man on a daily basis can be abated without the acquisition of Boll & Branch™ sheets," says Dr. Peterson in one clip. "And you might say: 'Well, I've already switched to PolicyGenius™ and tasted the fruit of Shari's Berries™,' and you might be right, but you haven't wrestled with the fact that you're still not sleeping on the same sheets as presidents! NOT GOOD!" he explained.

    "And that's not nothing - in fact, quality high thread count premium bedding is the very precondition for the manifestation of true comfort! I mean - just imagine you're trying to find top-of-the-line bedding at an affordable price, let's say," continued Dr. Peterson growing more emotional. "How are you supposed to bloody well navigate the internet without being subjugated to all manner of privacy violations? Of course, you'll need a VPN and an express one at that - but it's like what IS an ExpressVPN™ really?"

    At publishing time, Dr. Peterson surprised fans once again by announcing his new book coming out exclusively for Daily Wire+ subscribers called Ads of Meaning.