10 Sunday School Songs Updated To Be More Inclusive | Eastern North Carolina Now | Even with the COVID-19 restrictions lifted, Americans have been slow to return to church. Churches need to appeal to a broader, more diverse population if they hope to compete!

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Even with the COVID-19 restrictions lifted, Americans have been slow to return to church. Churches need to appeal to a broader, more diverse population if they hope to compete! To that end, here are some woke Sunday School songs that children and their woke parents will love:
  • "Zacchaeus Was A Vertically Challenged Non-Birther" – If the short-tempered Peter Dinklage heard about the "Wee Little Man," he'd be a little Grumpy.
  • "Count Your Points Of Intersectionality" – Name them one by one, then collect reparations and affirmative action promotions. You cis white males busy "counting your blessings" need not apply!
  • "When The Insurrectionists Go Marching In" – It's important that kids always remember the day democracy almost died.
  • "This Little Mask Of Mine" – I'm gonna let it shine, unless I'm pulling it down so you understand me asking "Where's your mask?"
  • "Father Abraham Had Many Children Whom He Allowed To Determine Their Own Gender" – It's good that Father Abraham knows he's not a biologist, but the name still sounds patriarchal – we'll look into it.
  • "Be Careful Little Mouths What You Tell Your Parents" – Be careful little eyes to pay attention at the drag queen story time, too – and remember, what happens in the classroom stays in the classroom.
  • "I Have Decided To Follow COVID Guidelines" – Jesus didn't even wear a mask. If he won't sacrifice himself for others, why follow him??
  • "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands" – This one's about a globalist totalitarian paradise ruled by either Klaus Schwab or the antichrist – glorious!
  • "His Banner Over Me Is A Rainbow Flag" – Love is love, people – but remember, some loves are more equal than others.
  • "The White Man Built His House Upon Land He Stole From Indigenous Peoples" – Sing out, kids – let the hate flow through you!
Now go out and sow disunity and dissatisfaction. Remember to sing "Jesus Loves Me" – unless you're white!
Go Back

HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Dramatic video shows the moment a massive humpback whale crashed into a fishing boat off the coast of Cape Cod.
LGBTQ+ activists claim schools should affirm gender identity, create welcoming school cultures, and facilitate the transition process
FBI agents took numerous boxes and documents from former President Donald Trump’s Florida home at Mar-a-Lago on Monday as part of a criminal investigation into allegedly mishandled classified national security information.
President Joe Biden claimed on Sunday that America is back because “everyone sought” him “out” at the G20 in Rome over the weekend as world leaders discussed climate change.
With the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) prepping yet another booster shot for this fall — this one to target the Omicron variant known as BA.5 — scientists and immunologists are working on a whole new approach that includes nasal spray vaccines and body patches.
The N.C. Supreme Court agrees to extend oral arguments in the Leandro case from 60 minutes to 90 minutes.
Fifty-three U.S. lawmakers, all Republicans, signed onto a letter this week from former White House physician Ronny Jackson, who served in the role under the Obama and Trump administrations, demanding that Democrat President Joe Biden take a cognitive exam and immediately share the results
U.S. Senators Thom Tillis (R-NC) and Bill Hagerty (R-TN) introduced the Voice for Victims Act, legislation to restitute the VOICE Office to provide “proactive, timely, adequate, and professional services to victims of crimes committed by removable aliens” and their families.

HbAD1

Senator Joe Manchin (D-WV) called out his own party Monday for “playing games” as they try to pass a bipartisan infrastructure bill and President Joe Biden’s massive social spending bill.
Max Gomberg, a former climate change mitigation strategist with leftist views, resigned from the California State Water Resources Control Board this month, pointing to Governor Gavin Newsom’s (D-CA) administration’s unwillingness to make changes during a drought in the state.
Former NFL player Jack Brewer slammed former NFL player turned left-wing activist Colin Kaepernick during an interview on Monday, saying that Kaepernick’s message to young black men in the U.S. is poison.
The trouble with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money
Governor Ron DeSantis (R-FL) announced new actions this week that his administration is taking to protect the state of Florida from environmental, social, and corporate governance (ESG) influence.
On Friday night, federal Judge James Dever made a decision in the North Carolina Green Party’s lawsuit against the State Board of Elections, placing the party’s candidates on the ballot and claiming jurisdiction over the matter.

HbAD2

Former Navy SEAL and author of “The Terminal List” Jack Carr said Amazon was “nervous” about a “lot of risks” they took in the series but said all that changed after it “tested off the charts” with test audiences.
There is much discussion in academia at present about the future of tenure.
Rep. Cori Bush (D-MO) unloaded on Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) in a statement on Monday evening after Manchin explained earlier in the day that he was opposed to Biden’s massive social spending bill because it would cause an “economic crisis.”
Former Vice President Dick Cheney, who famously started two wars in the Middle East and shot a dude in the face while hunting, now says Donald Trump is the greatest threat America has ever faced.
The legal team representing former Covington Catholic High School student Nick Sandmann, now-20, will file an appeal after they had libel lawsuits against five news organizations thrown out in court this week.
Unemployment rates (not seasonally adjusted) increased in all but two of North Carolina’s counties in June, according to the latest release from the North Carolina Department of Commerce.
The head of the Department of Justice’s National Security Division said Thursday that the DOJ has not prosecuted anyone for demonstrating outside of Supreme Court Justices’ residences, but that an order focusing the department on parents at school board meetings remains intact.
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis slammed President Joe Biden on Monday over a report published last week that said that Biden was considering paying illegal aliens who were separated at the border from their families under the previous administration up to $450,000 each.
President Joe Biden claimed that Thursday’s economic data showing the U.S. has entered a recession is “consistent with the transition to a stable, steady growth and lower inflation.”

HbAD3

 
Back to Top