Time-Traveling Mayan Priest Horrified By America’s Abortion Numbers | Eastern North Carolina Now | According to reports, a time-traveling Ancient Mayan priest appeared through a time portal in the offices of NARAL headquarters last week and found himself horrified by the abortion numbers in America.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, DC     According to reports, a time-traveling Ancient Mayan priest appeared through a time portal in the offices of NARAL headquarters last week and found himself horrified by the abortion numbers in America.

    "In Tikal, we only conduct a few hundred child sacrifices per year," said High Priest Ahua Ch'Aooah through a translator. "900,000 babies killed per year seems really excessive. This is barbaric!"

    NARAL employees tried to calm the hysterical Mayan down by telling him that baby killing helped them amass lots of gold and that fewer babies on the planet would help stop the weather from getting worse.

    "Well that I understand," said Ch'Aooah, "but really - nine hundred thousand dead babies per year? How did you build pyramids high enough to store all the victims?"

    NARAL then explained that they don't bury the bodies in pyramids anymore, but instead chop them up and sell them to the NIH for medical experimentation.

    At press time Ahua Ch'Aooah had taken up residence in D.C., registered as a Republican, and could often be seen on the Capitol steps yelling "Enough is enough! Stop the killing, you monsters!"

poll#157
Was it a judicious ploy for Joe Biden's FBI to execute the unprecedented raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate?
  Yes; the Cheneys despise this former Republican president, and for good reason ... so they say.
  No; never has a former president been treated with this level of vindictive abuse by those temporarily in power.
  Who cares? It's Trump.
597 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Man Prays He Will One Day Be As Good Of A Father As Bluey's Dad Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Kentucky Flood Death Count Up To 26 People, Governor Reports


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Supermodel Gisele Bündchen recently opened up about her husband Tom Brady coming out of retirement and returning to the NFL.
The expert codebreaking team at the NSA is working to decipher all the statements Biden made in his speech today, which the White House has promised to walk back as soon as they figure out what on earth he was saying.
Underdog Trump-Republican Karoline Leavitt won the GOP primary for New Hampshire’s First Congressional District on Tuesday.
Pat Harrigan, Republican nominee for Congress in North Carolina’s 14th District, was today named a “Young Gun” by the National Republican Congressional Committee.
The U.S. Coast Guard has rescued nearly two dozen people in Florida as of Thursday morning following the devastation from Hurricane Ian, with more rescues expected throughout the day.
In an ingenious move commonly used by pet owners, White House staff members have announced that they will be fitting Joe Biden with a custom-made jingle bell collar that will make it easier for them to locate the wayward President when he wanders off aimlessly.
European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen said on Wednesday that the European Union might redistribute profits from fossil fuel companies and impose energy consumption limits.
National publication The Hill lists North Carolina's U.S. Senate race among the seven contests nationwide where partisan control is most likely to "flip."

HbAD1

Utah GOP Senator Mitt Romney, who has been suspected of being squishy on conservative issues, has refused to endorse fellow Utah GOP Senator Mike Lee, a strong conservative in his re-election campaign, outraging his fellow GOP senators.
Tom Brokaw wrote his book, The Greatest Generation, about the men of World War Two. They rose up to defend a nation under attack, with great resolve that our United States would survive and thrive.
While speaking at a public symposium on behalf of The Association of Donut Lovers, Georgia Governor Stacey Abrams claimed obesity was just numbers manufactured by her bathroom scale.
A media-praised transgender major in the U.S. Army, and their spouse, a Johns Hopkins anesthesiologist, have been federally indicted for allegedly trying to leak medical information on U.S. Military members to the Russian government.
Last week, U.S. Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona announced the National Blue Ribbon Schools  for 2022.
Could be used for other "vaccines" in the wrong hands
A majority of Twitter shareholders voted in favor of a $44 billion deal to sell the social media company to Tesla and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk, according to a recent report from Reuters.

HbAD2

According to sources, local husband Brad Sanders has completely emptied the dishwasher without any prompting from his wife in hopes that she'll be cool with him watching 19 hours of football this weekend.
Law enforcement is telling North Carolina voters to say “no” to Democrat Cheri Beasley.
The top-secret military base Area 51 is being overrun by curious visitors this morning after former president Trump announced he had declassified the installation in his mind several years ago.
Dr. Anthony Fauci’s net worth soared during the COVID pandemic, leaving the career government worker sitting on a nearly $13 million nest egg, according to newly uncovered documents.
National Weather Service Forecaster Tom Lonca, with Newport, North Carolina NOAA, talked about Hurricane Ian, and what’s ahead for Eastern North Carolina, with the potential the flooding, and the estimated 6-8 in rainfall beginning on Thursday, Sept. 29 through the weekend.
U.S. Senator Raphael Warnock (D-GA) said at a rally in Atlanta for seniors this week that “even God gave us a choice” regarding abortion.
The NC Fraternal Order of Police is the Latest Law Enforcement Group to Back Ted Budd over Cheri Beasley

HbAD3

 
Back to Top