FBI Raids Nicolas Cage's Home After Tip He Has Declaration Of Independence | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

Publisher's Note: This series of posts on this one issue - The Unprecedented FBI Raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago Estate - can all be found here on ENC NOW.

    LAS VEGAS, NV     The FBI raided the home of Nicholas Cage in the early morning hours Friday after an anonymous tip that he had stolen the Declaration of Independence.

    "I assure you, this tip was reliable and corroborated by at least two Disney movies," said Merrick Garland in a statement after the raid. "We have good reason to believe that the Declaration in the National Archives is a fake and that Mr. Cage has been in possession of the true original for years."

    According to sources, FBI agents confiscated 12 boxes of documents, a pair of golden 1911 pistols used in the movie Face Off, and 13,000 copies of the Con Air DVD. "We also confiscated an illegal Koala, a boa constrictor, and 2 baby tigers," said the regional bureau chief. "It was a gold mine."

    Mr. Cage claims he's being unfairly persecuted, that law enforcement has always had it out for him and that the movie National Treasure is just a fictional movie. "I didn't actually steal the Declaration in real life, you morons!" he shouted.

    AG Garland dismissed Cage's statement as a "disgusting and deplorable" smear of law enforcement and then invited the press to a screening of Con Air at his house.

poll#157

Was it a judicious ploy for Joe Biden's FBI to execute the unprecedented raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate?

  Yes; the Cheneys despise this former Republican president, and for good reason ... so they say.

  No; never has a former president been treated with this level of vindictive abuse by those temporarily in power.

  Who cares? It's Trump.

932 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#154

Inarguably, the policies of the Democrats in congress and Joe Biden as the Executive is plunging the United States into a recession, if we are not already there; a recession that was completely avoidable. Will abrupt changes in policies occur in time?

  Yes, the Democrats have a bold plan, yet to be revealed, to save us.

  No, there will have to be a complete undoing of the damage done by these Democrats.

  I can't do simple math, so how am I to understand the concept of basic economics.

1,216 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?