Radical Muslims do the Darndest Things | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's Note: In this latest submission of funny stuff from Diane Rufino, we take a humorous look at that which is radical Isalm. These quirky folks are the world's slowest, most accessible targets for a variety of reasons, not least of which, they are: racist, sexist, cruel beyond all present day norms, fabulous liars, murderous xenophobes, and, beyond all the aforementioned, egregiously stupid.

    The only people more stupid, and therefore, just as easy of a target, are their brave defenders.

    To that end, we accept all humorous material about this curious class, and will publish the funny contributions. Also, we accept all quirky cartoons, especially ones from socially fed-up European cartoonists.

Radical Islam Joke #1
    We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at?

    All I'm saying is..... if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.


Radical Islam Joke #2
    Cell phones can give you brain tumors, and yet the anthrax only killed five people. Maybe the terrorists should have just called us on our cell phones.


Radical Islam Joke #3
    Question: How many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb?

    Answer: None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.


Radical Islam Joke #4
    Question: What's the difference between Afghanistan and a pot of yogurt?

    Answer: The yogurt has a living culture.


Radical Islam Joke #5
    Question: How do you tell when an Arab has gone through puberty?

    Answer: He takes his diaper off of his ass and puts it on his head.


Radical Islam Joke #6
    Question: What do you call a guy with his hand up a camel's ass?

    Answer: An Afghani mechanic.


Radical Islam Joke #7
    Question: How do you stop an Arab from drowning?

    Answer: Take your foot off his head.


Radical Islam Joke #8
    The President of the USA, George Bush, and his Vice President, Dick Cheney, are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in, sees them and asks the barman, "Isn't that the President and the Vice President sitting over there?"

    The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

    So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honour! What are you guys doing in here?"

    Bush says, "We're planning World War Three."

    And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

    Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Arabs and one blonde with big breasts."

    The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big breasts? Why would you kill a blonde with big breasts?"

    Bush turns to Cheney and says, "See, I told you no one would care about 140 million Arabs


Radical Islam Joke #9
    Ahmid went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.

    Finally, he went to an Arab doctor, who said, 'Take dees bocket, go Into de odder room, shit in de bocket, piss on de shit, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.'

    Ahmid took the bucket, went into the other room, shit in the bucket, pissed on the shit, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

    Coming back to the Doctor he said, "It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with Me?"

    The doctor said, "You were homesick."


Radical Islam Joke #10
    Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of fermented goat's milk.

     One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

    First Arab, "This is my oldest son, he's a martyr."

    Second Arab, "This is my second son. He is a martyr also."

    After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully, "They blow up so fast, don't they?"


Radical Islam Joke #11
    A friend of mine just started his own business, making land mines that look like Muslim prayer mats. It's doing well.

   In fact, he says, prophets are going through the roof.


Radical Islam Joke #12
    One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

    All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth.

    However; little Joseph was being quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear."

    Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

    The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Joseph aside to ask him: "Is that really true about your father?"

    "No," the boy said, "He works at the White House and helped to get Barack Obama elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids."


Radical Islam Joke #13
    I am appalled at all my friends who are so opposed to the mosque near ground zero.

    To show our tolerance, we should let them build. Then right across the street, someone should put a topless bar, called "You Mecca Me Hot".

    Next to that should be a gay bar, "The Turban Cowboy"

    And next door to the mosque should be a pork rib restaurant, maybe "Iraq o'Ribs"

    Then the Muslims could be allowed to show their tolerance.