Seven Beloved Intellectual Properties Amazon Will Defile Next | Eastern NC Now

Amazon Studios just ruined Tolkien with The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power but you'd better buckle up, bucko, because it ain't over yet.

ENCNow
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Amazon Studios just ruined Tolkien with The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power but you'd better buckle up, bucko, because it ain't over yet.

    Here are some more intellectual properties they're getting ready to defile next:

  1. Peanuts: Charlie Brown (born Charlotte Brown) navigates life as a trans person of color.
  2. The Lion, The Witch, & The Systematically-Racist Wardrobe: In this new take on the classic story, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy dismantle the systems of oppression perpetuated by Aslan.
  3. Bluey CPS: An award-winning spin-off in which Bandit becomes an abusive alcoholic. Sad.
  4. Harry Potter and the Sex-Changing Potion: Anything goes in House Hufflepuff!
  5. Scooby-Doo and the Mysterious Case of How Fred Got Monkeypox: Brave and normalizing.
  6. All Men Must Die Hard: John McClane is back to roll around in shattered glass as penance for his toxic masculinity.
  7. Rocky Title IX: Rocky Balboa is contractually obligated to knock out a woman.

    Wow! Amazing stuff! We can't wait to see how much money they waste on their next colossal failure.
Go Back

HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

“I’m from America, 250 years ago we were way bigger than 6/1 dogs, and look at us thriving now.” Justin Gaethje pulls off an all time sports upset.
There are many people who overlook the brilliance of the US Constitution. They argue that it is outdated and unfit to adequately govern such a modern nation as ours in the 21st century.

HbAD1

"I plan to keep his counsel close until our paths cross again," JD Vance said on Thursday.
On Tuesday, Democratic Gov. Josh Stein signed an executive order creating the bipartisan Health Care Affordability Commission that he said will look at ways to make healthcare more affordable for North Carolinians.
"Margo’s Got Money Troubles" explores how financial desperation drives women to OnlyFans. That’s not empowering. It’s exploitative.

HbAD2

“They have never managed anything like this before, and it’s like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches coming out the sides."

HbAD3

illegal alien "asylum seeker" migrants are a crime wave on both sides of the Atlantic

HbAD4

 
 
Back to Top