With Energy Grid Unreliable, Governor Newsom Announces All Cars To Be Wind-Up By 2035 | Eastern North Carolina Now | Governor Gavin Newsom announced Wednesday that he would be requiring all cars in the state of California to be fully wind-up by 2035.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    SACRAMENTO, CA     Governor Gavin Newsom announced Wednesday that he would be requiring all cars in the state of California to be fully wind-up by 2035. Experts agree that wind-up vehicles will put less strain on the state's weak power grid and help cut back on childhood obesity.

    "I heard on the news that our state's electrical infrastructure cannot support millions of people charging their electric vehicles simultaneously," said a concerned Newsom. "Losing electricity at my winery is the last thing I want, so I've decided to alter the plan. New vehicles will no longer have to be electric."

    "Instead," he continued, "all Californians will need to drive wind-up cars. Only then can we be truly independent of both gas and electricity."

    "Because it's kind of hot during the summer," he added.

    Prototype wind-up vehicles are already being test driven across the state. The Ford Nutcracker is expected to be first on the market, followed closely by the Toyota Torrent.

    A survey of Californian drivers revealed a distinct lack of support for the new measure but Newsom says he's not worried about "negative Nellies."

    "Wind-up cars have infinity gas mileage," he said. "Because they don't use gas! It'll be great!"

    At publishing time, it was revealed that all government vehicles continue to be gas operated.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




More Women Waiting To Have Kids 'Til They're Out Of College, Employed, Settled Down, Infertile, Dead Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics WNBA Games Now Last Place On Earth Where You Can Safely Social Distance


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates, the world’s fifth-richest man, thinks that Communist China should be praised for the way it has handled poverty.
The U.S. Air Force has continued its initiative for a more inclusive, and gender-neutral military by removing all flight sticks from their planes — effective immediately.
New data from the UK shows gender clinic referrals have doubled since previous year
Supermodel Gisele Bündchen recently opened up about her husband Tom Brady coming out of retirement and returning to the NFL.
The expert codebreaking team at the NSA is working to decipher all the statements Biden made in his speech today, which the White House has promised to walk back as soon as they figure out what on earth he was saying.

HbAD1

Underdog Trump-Republican Karoline Leavitt won the GOP primary for New Hampshire’s First Congressional District on Tuesday.
Pat Harrigan, Republican nominee for Congress in North Carolina’s 14th District, was today named a “Young Gun” by the National Republican Congressional Committee.
The U.S. Coast Guard has rescued nearly two dozen people in Florida as of Thursday morning following the devastation from Hurricane Ian, with more rescues expected throughout the day.
In an ingenious move commonly used by pet owners, White House staff members have announced that they will be fitting Joe Biden with a custom-made jingle bell collar that will make it easier for them to locate the wayward President when he wanders off aimlessly.
European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen said on Wednesday that the European Union might redistribute profits from fossil fuel companies and impose energy consumption limits.
National publication The Hill lists North Carolina's U.S. Senate race among the seven contests nationwide where partisan control is most likely to "flip."
Utah GOP Senator Mitt Romney, who has been suspected of being squishy on conservative issues, has refused to endorse fellow Utah GOP Senator Mike Lee, a strong conservative in his re-election campaign, outraging his fellow GOP senators.
Tom Brokaw wrote his book, The Greatest Generation, about the men of World War Two. They rose up to defend a nation under attack, with great resolve that our United States would survive and thrive.

HbAD2

While speaking at a public symposium on behalf of The Association of Donut Lovers, Georgia Governor Stacey Abrams claimed obesity was just numbers manufactured by her bathroom scale.
A media-praised transgender major in the U.S. Army, and their spouse, a Johns Hopkins anesthesiologist, have been federally indicted for allegedly trying to leak medical information on U.S. Military members to the Russian government.
Last week, U.S. Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona announced the National Blue Ribbon Schools  for 2022.
Could be used for other "vaccines" in the wrong hands
A majority of Twitter shareholders voted in favor of a $44 billion deal to sell the social media company to Tesla and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk, according to a recent report from Reuters.
According to sources, local husband Brad Sanders has completely emptied the dishwasher without any prompting from his wife in hopes that she'll be cool with him watching 19 hours of football this weekend.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top