Jan 6 Panel Continues To Hold Hearings For Stuffed Animals And Action Figures They Arranged In Chairs | Eastern North Carolina Now | The Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol™ may have stopped broadcasting on prime-time television, but sources reveal the committee is alive and well behind closed doors with an audience of stuffed animals and action figures

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    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     The Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol™ may have stopped broadcasting on prime-time television, but sources reveal the committee is alive and well behind closed doors with an audience of stuffed animals and action figures they arranged in chairs.

    "The committee holds hearings almost daily," explained a congressional aide while adjusting a Cabbage Patch doll on a leather chair. "I have to rearrange the seats constantly to reflect a 'living' audience. Rep Kinzinger is adamant that the proceedings appear as realistic as possible."

    According to sources, witnesses are often called to testify before the committee. Stuffed animals are often used to represent members of the Trump family. The committee has also seen fit to subpoena members of the elite G.I. Joe corps for a military perspective.

    Rep Adam Schiff threw his voice to make it appear as if a plastic sailor known only as "Shipwreck" was critical of former President Trump. "The president told our forces to stand down and stand by while the Capitol Building was assaulted by racists," Rep Adam Schiff said while pantomiming speech with the Shipwreck action figure. "It's undeniable that he committed treason and should be hanged!"

    At publishing time, Rep Liz Cheney regretted that her term will soon end On January 3rd, 2023. "We have so much fun," she said while making two unicorn stuffed animals kiss.

poll#164
It has been far too many years since the Woke theology interlaced its canons within the fabric of the Indoctrination Realm, so it is nigh time to ask: Does this Representative Republic continue, as a functioning society of a self-governed people, by contending with the unusual, self absorbed dictates of the Woke, and their vast array of Victimhood scenarios?
  Yes, the Religion of Woke must continue; there are so many groups of underprivileged, underserved, a direct result of unrelenting Inequity; they deserve everything.
  No; the Woke fools must be toppled from their self-anointed pedestal; a functioning society of a good Constitutional people cannot withstand this level of "existential" favoritism as it exists now.
  I just observe; with this thoughtful observation: What will happen "when the Vikings are breeching our walls;" how do the Woke react?
334 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

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