Parents Buy Giant Bag Of Candy To Give Away While Sending Kids Out To Collect Giant Bag Of Candy | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    NEW BRAUNFELS, TX     With the arrival of Halloween, local parents are engaged in their annual tradition of buying giant bags of candy to give away to trick-or-treaters on their doorstep while simultaneously sending their own costumed children out to go door-to-door to collect giant bags of candy.

    "I love this time of year," said local dad Chet Bandoff, "Autumn leaves, a warm fire, and buying $300 worth of candy to pass out so my kids can return home with $300 worth of candy. Yay!"

    Sources say most kids are blissfully unaware of the curious paradox of the Halloween tradition, usually choosing instead to focus on their impending meth-like sugar high later in the night.

    At publishing time, many parents had reported feeling dismayed to find out that after passing out candy bars to the neighborhood kids, their own kids arrived home with Pixy Stix and Circus Peanuts.