'Respect For Marriage Act' Officially Codifies Relationships With Japanese Body Pillows | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     On Wednesday the Senate advanced the Respect For Marriage Act with a successful 62-37 vote, signaling their intent to legitimize marriage between weeb perverts and their Japanese body pillows.

    "Finally, my brother Frank can be proud of his marriage relationship with Yamamoto-san, a pillow he bought in Kyoto," said a proud Chuck Schumer. "Thanksgiving is going to be much less awkward this year."

    According to sources, twelve Senate Republicans joined with Democrats on the historic vote because they are already in serious relationships with body pillows they no longer wish to hide.

    Though the language of the bill specifically forbids polyamorous marriage, Sen Mitt Romney (R) is reportedly excited to take on a body pillow as a concubine. "I won't have to hide Aoke-san anymore," he said, noting that he would no longer have to take vacations with the body pillow strapped to the roof of his car. "Now she gets a seat up front with me!"

    The bill will now proceed to a final vote in the Senate after which it will be sent back to the House where it is expected to pass because it is also full of weeb perverts.