10 Clever Ways To Avoid Persecution For Your Faith | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Are you being persecuted for your faith? Oh no! That's not good! We Americans are experts in persecution, so we want to equip you with the tools you need to survive!

    Here are some clever ways to avoid religious persecution:

1. Wear a Spider-Man costume when you go to the church so no one will recognize you: But then you might be persecuted by J. Jonah Jameson.
2. If someone asks if you're a Christian just shout, "BLACK LIVES MATTER!" and run away: If you try to share the gospel out of love for their souls they'll get you. Don't fall for it!
3. Get a rainbow "Ally" tattoo on your face: Everyone will then know you're not a bigot. Only bigots get persecuted.
4. Say, "Why don't you persecute someone your own size?": Works great on lions in the Coliseum.
5. Join a woke church because they have no persecution and no faith: Plus, you get to do whatever you want! YAY, SIN!
6. Hide your faith under a bushel basket: They're on sale at Target right now.
7. If they catch you praying tell them you're praying to Dr. Fauci: It is always culturally acceptable to pray to Lord Fauci.
8. Consider being spiritual, not religious: It worked for the Romans. Until it didn't.
9. Stop considering Twitter arguments as persecution: Weird, most of your persecution just disappeared, didn't it?
10. Live in America: Bad news is you may have to give up your gas stove.