9 Things More Trustworthy Than A Bank | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Oh no! Silicon Valley Bank imploded on itself, dealing a significant blow to our economy! If only those dumb rich people were smart enough to stop putting their money in a bank.

    Here are some things far more trustworthy than banks these days:

1. The United States Congress: Great for insider trading tips.
2. Hunter Biden with an electronic device: So responsible.
3. Whoopi Goldberg watching your hamburger for you while you go to the restroom: You should have known better.
4. George Santos's resumé: No, he's not really a world-famous cave diver.
5. Amazon's handling of Lord of the Rings properties: $1 billion down the drain.
6. Din Djarin's adherence to the way of the Mandalore: Stop taking off your helmet, man!
7. A Babylon Bee writer trying his best not to write another pronoun joke: Or her. Or they. Wait...
8. The railway system in East Palestine: Also, don't drink the water.
9. A toddler with chocolate on his face who "did not" eat the cookie: Wait, that's no toddler, that's Biden!

    Then again, there's always gold. Just ask every pirate who has ever buried hidden treasure. They are the real sages of our time.