Pentagon Leaker Kicking Himself For Not Just Leaving Classified Documents Strewn Around His Garage | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    DIGHTON, MA     Military police have arrested Jack Teixeira for allegedly leaking classified documents that contained information on the war in Ukraine. Teixeira, an Air National Guardsman, is currently kicking himself for not just leaving documents strewn around an unlocked garage as the President did.

    "Ugh! I'm so stupid! Why didn't I just print them out and leave them in a garage, or a vacation home, or the trunk of a Corvette?" said the distraught Teixeira while being hauled away. "What on earth was I thinking?"

    According to sources, military leadership is trying to decide between the non-judicial punishments of Gitmo or the firing squad.

    At publishing time, more classified documents had been found under a stash of crack belonging to Hunter Biden.