Unemployed Guy's Basement Selfie Video Crushes Fox News In Primetime Ratings | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    U.S.     The historic leader in primetime cable ratings Fox News was dominated last night by an unemployed man filming a selfie video in his partially-finished basement.

    "This guy chatting for a few minutes in his underwear and a blazer just completely blew Fox News out of the water," said Nielsen executive Roger Millican. "It was a ratings bloodbath."

    The unemployed man reportedly posted the basement selfie video on Twitter around 7 p.m., and by 7:02 p.m. had gained more viewers than the entire Fox News primetime lineup. "We got demolished," said a Fox News producer, on condition of anonymity. "Our viewers abandoned us in droves to watch a video labeled 'Good evening', which was just this dude jawing in his basement. We're in trouble."

    Panic quickly spread among the top brass at Fox News, as executive producers brainstormed how to win back viewers. "More gold coin ads? No, we already tried that. Think, Bob, think!" said Fox News VP Bob Randall. "Is it physically possible to add any more 'Breaking News' graphics? No? How about making the necklines lower on all the female anchors' dresses? This is hard!!"

    At publishing time, the unemployed man had reportedly crushed Fox News primetime ratings once again, this time with a video of himself silently making a ham sandwich.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Job’s Three Friends Offer To Cheer Him Up With A Song On The Recorder Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Nikki Haley Tells Emperor Palpatine South Carolina Is An Ideal Place To Build A Death Star


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

BCS also need someone proficient in data analysis. Clearly they do not have such now.
Iranian-backed Houthi terrorists from Yemen reportedly seized a cargo ship in the Red Sea on Sunday, which comes after the terrorist group had recently threatened to target Israeli-flagged vessels in the area.
Newly sworn-in California Senator Laphonza Butler expressed excitement about her new job, citing the short commute to work from her home state of Maryland.
Economist and bestselling author Dr. Thomas Sowell said that relying on the government to enforce so-called “social justice” would only lead to a loss of freedom in an interview with Daily Wire Editor Emeritus Ben Shapiro.
New Program Partners with CVS Caremark, GoodRx, to Target Some High-Cost Prescriptions, Lowering Out-of-Pocket Costs for Members
Missouri Republican Attorney General Andrew Bailey said Sunday that he was looking into accusations that leftist outlet Media Matters for America intentionally misled readers about X to pressure advertisers to pull support from the social media platform.
The state Supreme Court will not bypass an intermediate court's consideration of two parents' lawsuit against a Charlotte private school. Doug and Nicole Turpin accuse Charlotte Latin of expelling their children to retaliate against criticism of changes in the school's focus.
Rep. Kevin McCathy (R-CA) praised his successor in the role of House speaker, Mike Johnson (R-LA), on Sunday for overseeing the long-awaited release of more January 6 footage to the public.

HbAD1

An emergency alert message was errantly sent to over 330 million phones today after President Biden accidentally hit the wrong button reaching for his Life Alert.
able bodied and not doing any jobs - Biden is bringing the same problem to US
NBC sketch-show “Saturday Night Live” delivered a series of comedic slaps to an increasingly gaffe-prone President Joe Biden, focusing on his recent conversation with Chinese President Xi Jinping in California.
Elon Musk‘s SpaceX made headway in the second test flight of its Starship rocket despite the demo on Saturday ending with explosions.
state law also allows state judges to order deportation of illegal aliens who enter thru Texas
North Carolinians were more generous in their giving to charities in the state this past year.
Comedian and HBO host Bill Maher told former Democratic National Committee chair Donna Brazile that he couldn’t see President Joe Biden winning a second term in the White House.

HbAD2

The scab covering the still-fresh wound of his removal from office was ripped back open today, as Kevin McCarthy's long-awaited "Speaker of the House" nameplate finally arrived from the engraver.
House Intelligence Committee Chairman Mike Turner (R-OH) said over the weekend that the terrorist threat to the U.S. is the highest that it’s been in over a decade following Hamas’ attack on Israel last month.
Texas Governor Greg Abbott endorsed former President Donald Trump for a second term as president on Sunday during a campaign event in Edinburg, a city about 30 miles away from the Mexico border.
Charlotte has joined a list of major US cities who recently placed a formal bid to designate the Queen City as a nationally recognized regional tech hub.
CNN’s Jake Tapper made false claims over the weekend about remarks that X owner Elon Musk made on the social media platform last week.
New grants will help public schools provide nutritious school breakfast to more children to support their health, development and learning
Rosalynn Carter, the wife of former President Jimmy Carter, died “peacefully” on Sunday afternoon at their home in Plains, Georgia, accompanied by family, according to the Carter Center.
State Supreme Court Justice Michael Morgan's final opinion day featured a 183-page opinion defending a death penalty verdict, a dissent in a castle doctrine case, and a vote with Republican colleagues to fight back environnentalists' challenge of a mining quarry's state permit.
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) said on Sunday that she would try again to get Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas impeached after the House punted on her latest effort last week.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top