Montana Lawmaker Nails Audition For Bud Light Spokesperson | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    HELENA, MT     Montana trans lawmaker Zooey Zephyr, formerly known as Zachary Raasch, feels strongly that he has nailed his audition as Bud Light's next spokesperson after leading loud demonstrations in the Montana State Capitol last week.

    "I will not leave this building until every tiny child has the right to take hormones and get body parts chopped off, reformed into shapes resembling other body parts, and then sewn back onto other areas of their bodies," said Zephyr. "This is a fundamental human right, and anyone who disagrees wants to murder trans kids."

    Zephyr then turned to the camera and said, "Hey Bud Light! Call me!"

    Media outlets across the nation reported on the lone hero's noble crusade to sexualize, drug, and mutilate children, condemning mean, nasty Republicans for being such meanie-head jerks all the time. "Just look at this beautiful, stunning woman standing up for the rights of other beautiful, stunning women just like her!" said CNN's Jake Tapper. "Wow--Republicans are so, so mean!"

    Bud Light also released a statement, saying they were all out of the office and unable to talk right now.

    At publishing time, Zephyr had yet to receive a call from Bud Light but had already secured contracts with Nike, General Mills, ExxonMobil, Berkshire Hathaway, and Balenciaga.

poll#164

It has been far too many years since the Woke theology interlaced its canons within the fabric of the Indoctrination Realm, so it is nigh time to ask: Does this Representative Republic continue, as a functioning society of a self-governed people, by contending with the unusual, self absorbed dictates of the Woke, and their vast array of Victimhood scenarios?

  Yes, the Religion of Woke must continue; there are so many groups of underprivileged, underserved, a direct result of unrelenting Inequity; they deserve everything.

  No; the Woke fools must be toppled from their self-anointed pedestal; a functioning society of a good Constitutional people cannot withstand this level of "existential" favoritism as it exists now.

  I just observe; with this thoughtful observation: What will happen "when the Vikings are breeching our walls;" how do the Woke react?

845 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?