10 Life Hacks To Help You Stop Looking At Porn | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Hey, you! Are you struggling with a porn addiction? Not good! We certainly wouldn't know anything about that. We've never looked at porn, not even one time. Since we are experts at never, ever, ever looking at porn, we have compiled a list of 10 life hacks that are sure to help you overcome that pesky habit in no time!

    Here's what you can do:

1. Gouge out your eyeballs: You can't go wrong with the classic biblical approach.
2. Hang a framed picture of Matt Walsh next to your computer: His stern, disapproving stare will have you back on the straight and narrow in no time.
3. Quit your job as a public school librarian: Those libraries are chock full of porn. Get out of there ASAP.
4. Put your computer in a more public place, like in the third lane of the 405 freeway: Accountability!
5. Leave Earth and go to Mars: They don't have porn there. Yet.
6. Hire a town crier to follow you around and loudly announce whenever you look at porn: "Hear ye, hear ye!"
7. Make a vow to yourself that this is the last time: That always works.
8. Install an app on your phone that turns every face on the screen into Rachel Levine: Highly effective.
9. Smash your phone, then run it over with a car, then throw it in the trash: Then burn the trashcan.
10. Imagine God sees you looking at porn: Oh wait, He does. REPENT!