Devout Hunter Biden Clarifies He Was Sitting Next To His Heavenly Father, Who Is Always With Him | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WILMINGTON, DE     In a statement labeled by his critics as a poor attempt at damage control, Hunter Biden sought to clarify that when he wrote a text message to a Chinese government official saying he was "sitting next to my father," he was actually referring to his Heavenly Father.

    "I'm really into God...and all that stuff," Hunter said from his bed when reached for comment at 2 P.M. after sleeping off a three-day bender. "Those text messages - which may or may not actually be mine - include me making very solemn references to God as my Father, because He's, like, totally with me at all times. Or something."

    Hunter's 2017 text messages to a member of the Chinese Communist Party have caused significant controversy, bolstering allegations that Hunter and his father, President Joe Biden, have been peddling political influence in exchange for money. "Totally not true," Hunter said. "That Chinese dude is a member of my prayer circle. I was letting him know I expected him to fulfill his commitment...to our Bible Jesus meeting, or something. And when I warned him about my ability to hold a grudge, I was actually talking about holding a grudge against...sin, or whatever. Yeah."

    The explanation was met with skepticism from Republicans in Congress. "Hunter Biden has got to be the least-religious person I've ever seen," said Senator Josh Hawley of Missouri. "If I were him, I'd be watching out for lightning bolts the next time I try to use God as an alibi."

    At publishing time, Hunter Biden was reportedly on his way to Church to meet with a Ukrainian "associate" over a few bottles of sacramental wine.

poll#183

Considering that the 2024 Presidential Election has fully begun, and the Biden Administration has consequently fully weaponized the Biden DOJ /FBI to attack all political opponents under the penalty of felonious judgement for many of the same alleged crimes, or worse, committed by Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden himself: Are you comfortable with this level of overt corruption within the Executive Branch?

  Yes; if Democratic Socialists are to complete the remaking of this "Democracy," the End will Always Justify the Means.

  No; in a Constitutional Republic, the Rule of Law is paramount, which means the law MUST be administered evenly

  Who cares; I am just so ambivalent to all this grown-up stuff.

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