Ezra Miller Goes House To House Threatening Families To See 'The Flash' | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    STAMFORD, VT     Actor Ezra Miller has been traveling house to house threatening families to see The Flash, witnesses claim. Authorities are advising residents of Bennington County to lock their doors and, if approached, to contact police immediately.

    "He is not a song and dance man," warned Sheriff Clarence Craw. "Miller attempts to lure families out of the house with promises of Michael Keaton but then subjects victims to his own acting abilities."

    "This is classic predator behavior," Craw added.

    The predator's agent downplayed the reports, saying "Actors are better than normal people and can do whatever they want."

    The Flash actor was last seen choking out a humble farmer who criticized his performance as Credence Barebone in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them as two-dimensional. The actor then allegedly groomed the farmer's children for a trip to the movies.